1st date with Keanu


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Last night Keanu and I planned to meet at Make Westing for happy hour at 5 pm.

Since I would be going there straight from the office on a day I was also taking public transit and doing extensive walking, I had to carefully plan my outfit. It had to be difficult combination of comfortable, office-appropriate, and date-appropriate. Ultimately, I decided to wear dark-wash skinny jeans, a black dolman-sleeve top, and leopard-print strappy flats.

I arrived right on time and was dismayed to find the bar already crowded. I somehow secured 2 chairs at the bar for both of us and ordered a prosecco/vodka/lemon/raspberry cocktail called French Muse while I waited for Keanu to arrive.

Name: Keanu

Met on: Tinder

28 years old, production manager at a print company, never married, no kids

At 5:20, slightly irritated, I sent him a message via Tinder asking him where he was and his expected ETA. He said he was having difficulty parking, which wasn’t surprising as I’d noticed Miguel was going to be performing at The Fox Theater next door later that night. As I’d passed The Fox on my way to Make Westing, a queue had already started to form outside.

Keanu’s profile photos showed an adorable blond-haired, blue-eyed, all-American guy with a magnetic smile. He reminded me of a cleaner-cut version of my musician heartthrob, John Gourley.

Photos show such a small part of a person.

When Keanu arrived 5 minutes later, I almost didn’t recognize him. His hair was longer than in his profile pics and he had facial hair. He wore a baseball cap. He smelled like smoke, and he spoke like a surfer/stoner… similar to Keanu Reeves. I’ll admit: being partly deaf due to my ear infections, it’s certainly possible I was mistaken. I’ll have to reassess once completely healthy and after my hearing is restored.

He sat next to me at the bar and ordered a double IPA. Soon after, I ordered a hefeweissen. We talked for the next three hours, eventually deciding to order carnitas & avocado sandwiches for dinner.

He’s a skater & surfer from southern California, which probably explains his speech patterns. He went to college in Arizona but didn’t graduate because he partied too much. He lives on a sailboat at a nearby marina because the rent is shockingly cheap.

He wasn’t my type at all, but he was friendly and familiar. There were some silences, but they felt comfortable rather than awkward.

I saw a soft side to him that was really appealing, namely that he owns a deaf dog that he spoke fondly about and that he’s close with his family.

We decided to close out at 9. I had an early morning meeting at work and still had a long commute home. He walked me to the train station and we kissed each other at the top of the station stairs. It wasn’t a full make-out session, but the kisses weren’t exactly pecks, either.

He asked me to let him know when I arrived at home.

Right before I arrived home at 10:15, I got a message from him saying, “I had a real fun time tonight!” Aww.

I told him I had fun, too. We exchanged several texts.

He sent me a text this morning asking how my early morning meeting was. Aww. We’ve exchanged a few texts throughout the day.

I can’t believe I’m saying this… but I like him.

Tonight’s first date with my future short-term boyfriend has been canceled. He sucked at text communications so badly that I sent him an exasperated text earlier today saying, “I am now assuming you aren’t available tonight and am going to make other plans.”

After he had confirmed tonight’s date with me yesterday morning I said, “Let me know what time and where. I can meet after 4:30 in Oakland or later that night in San Francisco.”

Crickets for an entire day. For crying out loud! Is it really so difficult to allocate 20 seconds of your precious time to respond to a text??!

Major red flag and disrespect for me and my time. It’s over. I will not be rescheduling.

He responded to my exasperated text within 10 minutes by saying, “Yeah, I’m sorry. I got a bit distracted last night by some work. But I don’t think tonight will work. Have more to do than planned.”

Just fuck off.

I can’t take these dudes and their inability to communicate effectively. No. Just no!

Speaking of poor text communicators, D texted me last night from the airport as he was waiting for his flight to Spain to leave. I responded to the first couple texts because I was at the bar still waiting for Keanu to arrive. Later, I noticed that I missed more texts from him… including one that said, “So would you like to see me when I return?”

I obviously couldn’t reply to that, and then he sent another an hour later saying, “Well, my flight is about to take off in a few. Enjoy the holidays.”

I have since responded but it’s unlikely he’ll get the text until he returns to the States. I feel bad about that but I’m secretly a little pleased that he’s not getting instant feedback. He can squirm for a few weeks.