Pre-Thanksgiving

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My Bad Moms Wine Country Weekend was a blast. We spent Friday and Saturday night at the Best Western Sonoma Valley Inn, did a Platypus Wine Tour on Saturday, and enjoyed dinner at Girl and the Fig on Saturday night.

We visited four wineries on our wine tour: Peter Cellars, Nicholson Ranch (a rare organic winery), Ty Caton, and Buena Vista. Nicholson Ranch had my favorite wine but Buena Vista had the most beautiful architecture and winery grounds.

It was so good spending time with both Allison and Sarah. I hadn’t seen Allison in at least 6 years – it was great catching up with her and bonding again.

It was nice having a break from thinking about boys. Surfer Dude and D texted on Saturday so I had brief exchanges with both of them, which was nice.

D said he couldn’t wait for our slumber party on Wednesday and said, “Just to warn you, I may keep you up most of the night.” I told him that was fine as long as he helped me cook on Thanksgiving morning in my sleep-deprived state. He responded with, “So what are we cooking?” That’s my boy.

I’m shaking my head at Surfer Dude and am not sure I want to make plans with him again. Our plans never materialize; I’m tired of repeatedly making plans that always fall through. It’s not entirely his fault, either.

On Friday I had several texts from ancient dudes, including Adonis. He texted with “Lauren what’s going on?” I ignored, deleted all his messages, and moved his number to spam. I think trying to explain why I don’t want to see him again would invite an argument and I just don’t have the patience for that right now.

(For those not familiar, my 2nd date with Adonis was disastrous.)

I didn’t respond to the others, either.

Colombian Hottie reached out via Facebook Messenger today. He asked how my weekend went and said he was thinking of me. He indicated that he wanted to see me again, and I responded with, “Honestly, you’re difficult to make plans with.”

He misunderstood and said, “You don’t want to see me then?” with a frowny emoji.

I corrected myself and responded, “It’s not that at all. You’re a bit flakey.”

He was confused and said, “I always want to see you.”

That may be true but it seems as though he has a hard time committing to a day and time. And the reality is that I may be a bit flakey, too. You all know I’ve mentioned his small cock before. So, I’m sure our combined flakiness makes getting together nearly impossible.

Today on OkCupid I matched with a cute 40 year old. He messaged me saying, “Do you like younger guys?” and I burst out laughing. Seven years younger barely registers as “younger” to me.

I responded with, “Oh, I didn’t realize you were a “younger guy”. I’m only 7 years older! That’s a negligible age difference.”

He said, “I’m really 23.”

Holy shit.

I told him I wasn’t sure what to think about that. I’d dated younger before (21), but it was accidental. The youngest I’ve knowingly dated is 24. Both dates went well but there were no 2nd dates with either. I told him this.

He made a comment about “having fun” so I made it clear that I was looking for a relationship and that he should move along if that’s something he’d be concerned about given our age difference. He said he was willing to meet and see how things went.

I told him to stay in touch over the next 2 weeks and we’d make plans for a 1st date in early December.

I’m still missing Hayden. He left a hole in my life and in my heart. I miss him so much it physically hurts.

 

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Date #3 with Dr Russia + shenanigans

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Before I detail last night’s date with Dr Russia, I wanted to share what happened with two prospects on Wednesday night.

As you may remember, D canceled our 3rd date on Wednesday night so I had an unexpected evening to myself. That afternoon, I sent a message through OkCupid to the newbie dude who lives in my neighborhood asking him if he was available to meet that night.

He responded with, “I could probably do something after 8pm?”

I was underwhelmed. Probably?? Where was the enthusiasm? Where was the hell yes? This seemed like a perfect non-committal response. He seemed lukewarm. I wasn’t feeling it.

Instead, I took myself out for sushi then cozied up on the couch to watch a few episodes of Grace & Frankie with a glass of bordeaux while listening to the pelting rain outside. I was glad to be warm and dry inside.

Around 11:30, newbie sent a snarky message saying, “Or past 11:35pm lol”

I responded with, “You didn’t seem sure about your availability. Plus, it’s pouring so I decided to have a cozy evening indoors.”

His response: “Ugh, fine! Lol, yeah no worries I get it.”

But he doesn’t get it. If someone you’ve been trying to line up a date with for several months has an unexpected evening, commit one way or another! Use stronger language! Geezus.

I certainly won’t be trying to set anything up with him again.

While I was on the awesome sushi date with myself, I had a few text exchanges with the charming newbie I mentioned here. I may be overreacting, but I’m not so charmed anymore.

He asked me, “So do I have any competition?”

Wait… what?! I was bewildered. I hadn’t even had a 1st date with this dude yet!

I said, “Yes, I’m dating.”

He replied, “Interesting. I’m not surprised but good to know.”

I went on to say that Tinder is a dating app. Isn’t everyone on there dating?! He said he wasn’t. He said he’s not much of a dater.

I said, “I have to ask… Why are you on Tinder?”

He said he’s on Tinder to find someone worthwhile to date, he just hasn’t gotten there yet. He’s picky.

I argued that he has to date to know if he wants a relationship. It doesn’t happen by magic. You have to assess compatibility and spend actual time together. It takes a while.

He said, “I’m aware of that. I’m talking to you, aren’t I?”

Oh, for fuck’s sake. We were going nowhere fast.

He apparently wants to talk to someone a lot first to see if they’re “worth” meeting. I like to meet soon after talking so there’s no disappointment.

He said, “Hmm, I never realized that more communication would lead to disappointment. It hasn’t for me.”

This was where I realized we had dramatically different expectations so I stopped responding to his excessive texts trying to explain himself. I had already noticed some yellow flags and wasn’t that excited about him anymore, anyway, so no big loss.

And I didn’t want the pressure of him putting all his eggs in my basket, so to speak. I’m obviously not the right woman for him.

So, with that out of the way, onward to my date last night with Dr Russia!

We decided to meet at Oakland’s Make Westing at 5 pm. I left work at 4:45 and headed straight to the bar. I was wearing my new Loft split-sleeve top, dark-wash Rag & Bone skinny ankle jeans, and black strappy heels.

I arrived right at 5 – the place was packed! I fortunately found a 2-top table in the back. He immediately sent me a text saying he was running late but was on BART. Fuck, not again!

Was tardiness a pattern with him? Ugh.

He arrived at 5:15. He didn’t indicate that he wanted to give each other a hug or a kiss so I stayed sitting as he put his coat and umbrella down and settled in. I didn’t beat around the bush and asked him if he’s typically late. Haha. Fortunately, he said he’s not.

He got the first round. We both opted for beer.

I got the second round; I had a Pimm’s cocktail, he had a mescal cocktail. Around 7, I suggested we get some dinner nearby. We walked to nearby taqueria, Xolo.

Conversation was easy the entire time. We talked about our weekend plans, our Thanksgiving plans, the term papers his students turned in that he’ll have to grade within the next couple weeks, and my job. We also talked politics. He said, “I don’t think we’ve talked about politics yet. Do you want to or is that taboo?”

I told him I suspected he was liberal, as am I, so there was really nothing to talk about. Haha. We even talked a little about religion.

I was relieved to find we’re on the same page with the “controversial” topics like religion and politics.

I told him I had to rescue my car before the parking garage closed at 10 but, since it was not even 8, I suggested we head to my favorite uptown Oakland bar, Cafe Van Kleef, and enjoy one of their awesome, famous greyhounds. He agreed.

Their greyhounds are to die for. They fresh-squeeze the ruby red grapefruits right there at the bar, then they garnish the greyhound with a big grapefruit wedge.

He ordered the greyhounds and we sat at a booth near the back of the bar, so close that we were touching. He put his arm around me.

After we had finished our drinks and were contemplating the walk to the parking garage, one of the bartenders came over to our table and told us that the next round of drinks were on the house. What?! This had never happened to either of us before!

Of course we ordered another round. Dr Russia opted for a double greyhound this time; I had a single.

I blurted out, “Do you want to come back to my place?” He said yes without hesitating. He corrected himself to say that of course I was welcome to stay at his place in nearby Berkeley, but he thought I’d be more comfortable at my place. I thought that was sweet.

We rescued my car with 20 minutes to spare, then I drove us to San Francisco in the rain.

Once in my bed, we groped, petted, and made out but couldn’t have intercourse. He couldn’t get a strong erection. WTF?! He orally pleasured me, then we fell asleep.

I didn’t sleep well last night, tossing and turning and getting up a few times to get water and use the bathroom. He did the same… and he was pouring so much sweat that the sheets were damp.

This morning he had a rock hard erection so we were able to successfully achieve intercourse. It was damn good. I climaxed, but he didn’t. He explained that he sometimes has difficulty orgasming and he doesn’t know why. Hmm.

We got ready for work then took transit together all the way to Oakland. We got off at the same train station. I walked from there to work; he transferred trains. We hugged and kissed goodbye and he said he’d be in touch about getting together again next week.

I like Dr Russia. He doesn’t give me butterflies, but we have fun together and he’s a genuinely good guy. There’s nothing to dislike. Time will tell what ultimately happens with him. I’m happy to keep it on its current trajectory and see where it goes.

Tonight: Bad Moms Wine Country Weekend! At least that’s what Sarah’s husband is calling it… and, you know, he knows us. Haha.

Possibly more than you ever wanted to know about me

Eve at Unleashing the Cougar has interviewed me. Check it out here:

Interview with Back in Stilettos Again

Dayum, does Eve know how to conduct an interview or what?! I thought her questions were deep and insightful.

The post also includes a photo of me, taken this week especially for the interview. It’s the first time readers can see what I look like! Eve says it helps readers connect and I think she may be right.

A few of you noticed that I am using the same photo as a temporary avatar. It’s probably for a limited time only. Gotta remain incognito! San Francisco is a surprisingly “small town” city. I’ll eventually update the photo with something less recognizable/more abstract.

I’ll be back later today to post a dating update.

D reschedules

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D canceled tonight’s date today at noon. I’m a little disappointed but it’s for the best. He wouldn’t arrive until 8 pm tonight and then he’d have to turn around and catch the 9:30 train home. I told him not to bother if he’ll be spending more time on the train than we’d spend together.

We’ve rescheduled for next Wednesday. Bonus is that we’ll be able to have a sleepover and see each other on Thanksgiving morning.

We actually had a phone chat today to work out rescheduling details. He apologized profusely for not being in touch the past few days. At first I was perturbed and wanted him to save his breath, but he continued. He said one of his coworkers is leaving so he automatically has double the work. And he said he has a tendency to hyper-focus when he’s busy at work and not balance himself socially.

He said he’ll do much better (adding, in his words, “it’ll be good for me”) and that he’s been thinking a lot about me.

I am so much more understanding now I know the reason for the texting lapse. Work is work and, yes, most men suck at multi-tasking. I’m glad to know he wasn’t just blowing me off.

Sure, texting is easy and takes virtually no time at all… something I could be angry about… but I really appreciated that he was genuinely apologetic. Plus, I don’t know him well enough yet to know if poor texting communications is a pattern with him. Time will tell. In the meantime, I’ll give him the benefit of the doubt.

So now I have a free evening. I sent a text to a newbie (he lives in my neighborhood – I’ve mentioned him before) to see if he just happens to be free tonight. If not, I’m not going to worry about it. I have some bordeaux to sip and some Grace and Frankie to watch on Netflix. It’s chilly and rainy here so it will be a good night to stay snuggled inside.

Tomorrow I have plans with Dr Russia. I have no idea what we’re doing yet, but I’m pretty sure we’ll be doing something in the east bay.

This weekend I’m meeting two of my closest friends in wine country for a girls weekend. We’re spending 2 nights in Sonoma. We have a specialty wine tour booked for most of Saturday and dinner reservations at a fancy French restaurant for Saturday night. I saw Sarah last June when she was in San Francisco for her birthday but I haven’t seen my other friend, Alison, in about 6 years. I’m really looking forward to seeing both of them.

Inside out

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My memory could be erased

And I’d still be thinking about your face

-Clouds by BORNS

 

I’m haunted by memories of Hayden. His hands. His eyes. His calming presence. The way he’d call me “baby”. Did he really love me? Was our relationship real? Or was it just one-sided because he was incapable of serious?

I torment myself with these thoughts.

I have no regrets. I don’t want him back the way he was. But in my fantasy, he returns to me completely recovered, ready for real, and ready to feel. Everything would be different, wonderful, and technicolor.

But I know it’s just that: a fantasy, a fairytale. Nothing is that perfect.

I am supposedly seeing D tomorrow night, and Dr Russia Thursday night. I haven’t heard a peep from either of them since Thursday or Friday and I’m pretty bent out of shape about it.

Maybe I’m part of the problem. Maybe I set the wrong precedence from the start. I’m not sure how to proceed with either of them.

Do I take the initiative and try to ramp up the texting? Do they genuinely want to get to know me? Are they playing it cool and not texting because they know I’m a busy mom and don’t want to bother me?

I briefly considered canceling both dates. I’m in hibernation mode; the thought of staying inside snuggled on the couch with a glass of wine and Netflix shows is really appealing. But, considering this will likely be the last week I’m free for the next 3 weeks, I need to take advantage of my kid-free time and actually get out of the house.

I never texted High Roller back and now I feel bad. He asked to reschedule. I have tonight free and considered offering my free evening to him or to the new Tinder guy, but the thought of spending time with myself is even more appealing.