Changing direction


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Tonight’s the night! I’ll be seeing Kennedy again for the first time in 7 days. A lot has happened since last Tuesday and I’ve felt like I’ve been on a roller coaster of emotions with him.

A recap:

  • On Wednesday he had a jealous text outburst then we had a quick phone chat to smooth things over.
  • On Thursday we had a short confusing phone call where he told me he was stressed out and hated his life but couldn’t vocalize what specifically was bothering him.
  • On Friday we exchanged a few texts throughout the day. Things felt better.
  • On Saturday I received a curt “hello” text in response to my good morning text…. 8 hours later. That didn’t feel very good.
  • On Sunday I received 1 text from him saying he hoped I was enjoying my day. I sent a short, annoyed “I am. Hope you are too” in response.
  • Yesterday we exchanged several text messages. He even gave me a pep talk before my work presentation. Things felt better.

I’ve decided to scrap most of the talking points I wanted to discuss tonight. I’ve been overthinking this and also don’t think a serious conversation is appropriate right now anyway. However, I do need more information about his stress level because it seems like it’s impacting his behavior.

Other than that, I also plan to bring up his apparent jealousy/fear of cheating and ask him what he’s looking for and what he’s expecting from me. I’m also going to suggest seeing him more than 1x/week and see what he says.

I’d like to continue dating him casually and see where it goes. I can’t become exclusive with him until I feel more secure / he’s more consistent and predictable.

My anxiety dramatically improved once I stopped putting so much pressure on myself to get everything answered tonight. Everything will be clearer in time anyway.

I received a text from a newbie on Tinder yesterday, which is odd considering I haven’t had my profile active there in a few weeks. We must have matched a few weeks ago. He asked how the guitar was going. I told him slowly.

We exchanged quite a few messages and then he eventually asked me out. By offering free guitar lessons. Haha. He’s a music teacher (and former high school math teacher) and says he already knows how to play the songs I’m learning.

So he’s coming to my house on Saturday and bringing 2 acoustic guitars with him. I don’t know if I should be excited or worried. He’s an adorable nerdy-looking 31 year old so I should be able told my own if we get into a scuffle. I’m pretty strong thanks to 30 straight years of physical conditioning minus ~5 years while I gestated and recovered from birthing two kids.

Colombian Hottie texted me this morning. We had some back and forth then he asked when he could see me again. I offered later this week. He said that’s a no go and offered next week. I said that didn’t work for me so we’ve pushed back to another week. Sigh.