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Online dating is ridiculously fun but there is a dark side as well. I just blocked my first fellow OK Cupider. Guys can be such crude assholes.

I was chatting with this fellow but it quickly became inappropriate. He offered me a massage with a happy ending. I told him “no thank you” and expected he’d leave me alone. No, I wasn’t so lucky. The explicit language came out. I could sit on his face. How could I not want my pussy licked?

Honestly. What the fuck is that about?! I cut right to the chase and blocked him. My very first block. Not so bad, I suppose, after 4-1/2 months of internet dating. It was bound to happen.

This isn’t to say it’s my first experience with inappropriate messages. I think I’m just becoming less tolerant.

(Goodness, typing that made me laugh!)

Within an hour, I got another inappropriate message right out of the gates from a 30 year old adorable dude with an incredible body.

Him: “Hi, I am gonna be blunt and go straight to the point. I think you are so damn sexy and honestly, I wanna fuck your brains out. I know it is risky to go all out like this, but I really want to. Interested?”

You’ve got to give this dude props for his directness. Plus, for being so animalistic, he could formulate coherent thoughts with fairly good grammar, punctuation, and spelling. Impressive. I would be lying if I said I wasn’t a tiny bit interested but, hell, I don’t need that level of debauchery in my life. I am content with my current level of debauchery.

My response:  “I’m flattered but, I’m sorry, I have no interest in that. You are cute and cut but I’m looking for more than a fuck friend. I already have a few of those!”

He had enough sense to leave the conversation alone. No need to block.

Through internet dating, I have learned a lot about fetishes and unusual fantasies. One guy had a fetish for impregnating women. This dude is 28 years old and has two children with two more on the way. Four different mothers.

Another guy had a fantasy about mentoring a woman to become a dominatrix, then bringing another guy into the mix as the submissive. Dude said he’d want to have anal sex with the guy to show dominance. No, he’s not gay.

And then there’s good old Texas, who I’ve been casually dating since September. He wants to go to sex clubs and play parties with a significant other. He wants to have sex with other women, plain and simple. And this is why we will never work out. I keep seeing him because the sex is mind blowing. Seriously mind blowing. The best sex I’ve ever had! I wish I wasn’t so weak but who could say no to that? No matter. I think we’re on the way out anyway. I am offended that we haven’t seen each other in a month. A month! I will be seeing him on Thursday. Stay tuned for that update.

But enough about fetishes, fantasies, and crassness. Dating is just weird. You can hit it off then have the heat fizzle out over time. You can hit off and then never hear from the guy again. Or you can hit it off and get indifferent, aloof emails occasionally afterward with or without attempts to get together again.

I’m starting to wonder if dating will ever net me a boyfriend again. (I met my ex-husband, Mars, on match.com back in 1998.) Right now each guy I’m dating fulfills a specific need. Will I ever be able to find one person who can fulfill each need? I’m doubtful.

Maybe this is the curse of getting older and with a failed marriage under my belt: I’m less likely to settle.

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