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… is nonexistent. My libido is crying.

I reactivated my Tinder profile last week. I was surprised to learn that there is a huge difference in my enthusiasm this time around. I am officially jaded.

Two days into it and after matching with a couple dozen guys, I put my profile on lockdown. In Tinder terms, I put myself on “undiscoverable” to prevent new matches.

Still, I did have a date with one fellow. He’s a super nice guy but it probably didn’t help matters that I went directly from the mediation appointment to the bar where we were going to meet. I was sobbing in the car on the way there and seriously considered canceling at the last minute. But that’s just not nice.

I put on my big girl panties, touched up my streaked makeup in the car, then put on a happy face and walked into the bar.

We had fabulous conversation that flowed very easily. He’s a programmer, musician, artist, and boxer. We shared a couple beers each then called it a night. He asked to see me again. He’s going to be at Burning Man until next week so I won’t hear from him until after Labor Day. It’s all good – I need the space anyway.

I have dates lined up this coming week with a couple guys. We’ll see how it goes. I feel horrible about not being entirely excited about any of it. I’m more curious than anything. Will we have chemistry? Or will I be disappointed?

3 days ago, I reactivated my OK Cupid account. I almost immediately regretted it. Instant inundation of messages. I’ve already decided that I am not going to download the app onto my phone this time in order to thwart excessive time suck.

I am following pretty strict rules this time around. On Sunday, I broke my rule about not giving out my phone number before actually meeting someone. I should have known better. This dude immediately flooded my text inbox with messages and photos. I had to ask him to stop then told him I was sorry but didn’t think we were a good fit, after all. I had obviously thought we might be a good fit before he started the texting storm. You blew it, dude! He apologized and asked if we could start over but by then I was over it. I have very little patience these days.

I miss Texas. Badly.

Yesterday Texas called me from the playa at Burning Man. I was shocked, as we hadn’t been in contact in over a week. The reception was poor so the conversation was short. An argument via text ensued. I am so beyond pissed. So many misunderstandings. And to think I was starting to think our issues might be fixable….?! Silly me.