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Texas and I will not be seeing each other again. It’s a long story, one I’ll probably tell someday. Not now.

It is incredibly difficult. I haven’t yet told the kids, and I haven’t decided how or what I will tell them. They will be crushed. I am crushed.

Music is a huge part of my life. It speaks to my soul. I listen to various personal playlists daily. Understandably, I have to be very careful about what I listen to now. I will burst into tears at inopportune times if I don’t.

Listening to the radio is a crap shoot. I have to constantly switch channels, even away from songs I love. I cannot listen to most of the songs I love.

I made a playlist of songs that would be impossible to make me cry. They are fun, goofy, dance-able, and/or ridiculously inappropriate… and they work wonders! They take my mind off the emotional pain.

Sharing here in case it helps anyone else. Plus, I’m looking for more to add so if you have any to share, please do!

  • The Bad Touch – Bloodhound Gang
  • Sex Dwarf – Soft Cell
  • Mongoloid – Devo
  • Me So Horny – 2 Live Crew
  • Fuck the Pain Away – Peaches
  • Downtown – Peaches
  • May Queen – Liz Phair
  • Fuck and Run – Liz Phair

 

Actually, Liz Phair’s Exile in Guyville album was my 20-something post-breakup anthem album several times.

However, I listened to Smashing Pumpkins’ Mellon Collie and the Infinite Sadness album on repeat during an especially tough break-up in my mid 20s. I especially loved the songs “By Starlight” and “Beautiful”. My breakup with David was the toughest of my life… until recently, with Texas.

The tone of the album is depressing and I do not recommend it. It’s no wonder that I was treated for atypical dysthymic depression for 8 months right after my breakup with David. (The breakup didn’t cause it; I was teetering on the brink before and it just tipped me over the edge.)

I loved reveling in my sadness during my angsty 20s. I used to enjoy compounding it and really feeling it. Yes, I was a weirdo.

White Zombie’s Astro Creep: Songs of Love, Destruction, and Other Synthetic Delusions of the Electric Head album was another frequently listened to post-breakup album in my 20s, albeit briefly. It has an angry undertone.

I have changed a lot. Now I need happy music to take my mind off the pain. Depressive sadness like I experienced in my 20s terrified me and I don’t want to ever experience it again. I refuse to go there.

Those are the only three albums I associate with breakups, thank heavens. I’m relieved it’s not more. And I hope I won’t experience many more breakups to need a specialty “post-breakup music” category in my music library.

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