5 dates were planned. Only 3 materialized.
First, the canceled dates….
Anthony, age 30, lived in Walnut Creek and worked in Sunnyvale. We met on Tinder. Yep, he didn’t live nor work anywhere near me. Normally, would be a red flag but his personality won me over. He was enthusiastic and a perfect blend of book smarts and street smarts. He worked in tech but worked on his car engine on the weekends. I liked that he was mechanical and could fix broken stuff, like my dad and Mars.
We made plans to meet near my office after work. On the day of meeting, he had to cancel because he unexpectedly had to work late to prepare a presentation for work. He asked to reschedule. Sure, no problem. We rescheduled for a week later.
He ghosted. It’s no big deal, though… I figured he was distracted by other “shiny things” on Tinder. It’s easy to do. And we had officially probably waited a little too long to meet for the first time. We had both lost interest.
Logan, age 46, lived in Lafayette and worked in San Francisco and Oakland. We met on Tinder. He was a divorced dad who, like me, also had a good relationship with his ex. We talked extensively on the phone one evening. He was respectful and was not overbearing with the texting. He planned a very romantic first date: Dinner at Beach Chalet and a sunset walk on Ocean Beach beforehand. I was really looking forward to meeting him. This guy was certainly promising!
Unfortunately, on the afternoon of our date, he texted to say he thought he had the flu. Vomiting, nausea, etc. He didn’t want to cancel but said he’d probably have to. I told him we should definitely cancel, as it would make for an awkward first date if he wasn’t feeling well. We canceled.
A few days later, he wanted to talk on the phone to reschedule the date but, by then, I was back together with Tex. He was disappointed.
And now, my 3 successful dates….
Nicolas was the oldest I’ve dated, age 52, and my one and only Bumble date! He was a dad who lived and worked in San Francisco as a writer and editor in the tech industry. We planned to meet at a microbrewery for our first date. 3 hours before the date, however, he texted to ask if we could change plans. His friend, a co-writer for the TV sitcom Silicon Valley, was in town on a book tour, and his friend and several other friends were going to meet up afterward for drinks. Was I interested? “Hell yes!”
We met for a one-on-one whiskey cocktail before meeting up with his friends. I wasn’t sure about our chemistry but I could tell he would be a great friend. We got along really well and had easy conversation.
Meeting his friends was awesome. Nicolas and I mostly mingled on our own at the party; he caught up with friends while I small-talked and networked. His Silicon Valley friend was friendly, engaging, and asked if he knew me. He said I looked familiar. I ended up talking most of the evening with two of Nicolas’ female friends. At one point, as one of them was talking about her perceived entitlement issues among twenty-somethings, she stopped herself and asked me how old I was. When I told her I was 45, she said, “I ask only because I thought you were 27 and I didn’t want to offend you…..” That comment made my week!
I gave Nicolas a lift home afterward, and he thanked me for being such a trooper about the change in plans. I told him I had fun and would like to do it again. He gave me a goodnight peck on the lips before getting out of the car. There were no sparks… although I’m not sure a peck can accurately determine that anyway.
He then got custody of his son for the next 10 days while his ex-wife went out of town on business and I haven’t heard from him since. It’s just as well, although I may contact him and ask about freelance writing positions at his company.
Oscar, age 32, and I met on Tinder. He lived and worked in San Francisco. He had boyish good looks – big blue eyes and strawberry blond hair – and his profile said he liked sailing and whiskey. We met up at a brewery (can you sense a theme by now?). I was taken off-guard by his British accent. We had a lovely time, chatting for 2 hours while nursing our beer. He talked a lot about work which, based upon my dating experience, is common for 20- and 30- somethings establishing themselves in their careers and climbing the corporate ladder. It’s not as common a topic of conversation for 40- and 50- somethings. He also talked about his family and growing up in England and Tel Aviv. At 11, I told him I needed to head home. He walked me to my car, where we had a passionate goodnight kiss. His hands on my back felt heavenly, and he said next time he’d give me a back massage. That offer was music to my ears.
I didn’t sense major sparks, but I was interested enough to consider seeing him again.
He wanted to get together again a couple days later but I was busy (date with Jon, then date with Logan). We both eventually lost interest and lost touch.
I have already detailed my date with Jon.
I have realized that for a successful date to blossom into love, you have to keep the momentum going so that neither person loses interest. With everyone’s busy schedules, it’s nearly impossible to meet up regularly to build a relationship. I now realize this is the reason finding love can be so challenging.
To close and just for fun, here’s a hilarious Tinder conversation I had with Will, a guy I chatted with briefly: