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I am about to embark on Phase 4 of my dating adventure. Tex and I are finished. Being that things were going so well, I realize this comes as quite a shock. I was shocked as well. It ended abruptly. It was terrible timing and very sad because he was in the process of moving in to my place when everything blew up. It was a Hydrogen-bomb level blow-up. Unbelievable and unexpected.

I don’t want to talk about the details. I’m not ready to talk about it, and I don’t even really fully understand it.

But I’m ok. I’m at peace this time. I know that this is for the best, and we will hopefully always remain friends.

I took some time to reflect and decompress, then reactivated OK Cupid and downloaded Tinder and Bumble a few days ago.

It is much more quiet and subdued this time. To ward off unrulies, I made it very clear in my Tinder profile that I didn’t want to waste each other’s time, that I was interested in friendship first and hopefully eventually a long-term relationship, not a rendezvous.

This has definitely helped! Things are calm and respectful.

Bumble continues to baffle. I match with many guys and send the first message as per the rules, then usually don’t hear back from them before the match expires. WTF is that about?!

OK Cupid continues to bewilder. Lots of messages from guys, but I’m not interested in 98% of them. I don’t even bother return messaging the ones I’m not interested in. Automatic delete. With my excruciatingly slow, elderly laptop, I just don’t have the time.

Tonight as I scrolled though the catalog of men on OK Cupid, I was immediately struck by the humor of it all. I was actually shopping for a man! It was loads of fun and completely bizarre at the same time.

I looked at one guy’s profile. I was attracted to him… until I saw his full-body photo. He had on nerdy sunglasses and was wearing rolled up baggy jeans with hiking boots. I hovered my finger over the “like” button. I eventually hit the like button by justifying his poor choice in fashion because 1) He was traveling at the time, and 2) He is foreign. Hopefully his fashion sensibilities aren’t always so atrocious.

But his profile pics unfortunately reminded me of Frog, a guy I had an awkward date with during my late 2014 dating bender. It was actually a nice, interesting, and fun date venue (the Keith Haring exhibit at the De Young Museum) but Frog was a wet blanket.

Also, I was mortified to find that he was wearing those horrible frog-toed sneakers. Vibram FiveFingers, like these. Hideous and, in my opinion, inappropriate museum footwear. It made me wonder why he thought the shoes were appropriate for a first date… and at a museum.

I quickly found he was socially awkward. Thank goodness we didn’t have to talk and spent most of the time ogling the art. All was good until we came across the sex-themed Haring art. That was a bit embarrassing.

After touring the exhibit, I told him I had to get home to the kids. A white lie. I just wanted to get the hell out of there without having to engage in much more awkward conversation. During the small bit of conversation we actually had, he said he was an active member of the orgasmic meditation San Francisco group. Oh geez.

That was enough. I said my goodbyes and nearly peeled out in the museum parking lot.

Back at home (this is when I was still living with Mars), Mars asked how it went. All I said was, “Excruciating. He had no social skills, he’s into orgasmic meditation, and he wears those ugly frog shoes.” Enough said. Then he laughed and said, “Well, at least you got to see a cool Haring exhibit.”

I agreed it was the only redeeming part of the date.

Frog texted me a few times afterward, wanting to go out again, but I made excuses and he eventually gave up.

 

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