My dating life is moving at a snail’s pace and I’m ok with that. Mostly. My bar is set so high now that I’m finding I’m not interested enough in most guys to even go on a 1st date.
My libido is screaming, though. The last time I had sex was a month ago, with Texas, before we imploded. I’m trying to come to terms with my raging libido in the absence of suitable dates. It is difficult.
I’ve had a grand total of 3 first dates so far. All 3 were lovely. All 3 are single dads. All 3 are 45 to 49 age range. I met one on Bumble, one on Tinder, and one on OK Cupid. For our 1st dates, I met one for a workday coffee break, one for a workday lunch, and one for happy hours drinks after work. I clicked with all 3 guys and had easy and engaging conversation but, since there was no physical touch, it was impossible to determine a spark.
I will likely have a 2nd date with 2 of the 3 gentlemen… if we can actually match our free time. Scheduling around kid custody schedules is proving to be as difficult as I imagined it would be.
I haven’t heard a peep from the third gentleman, despite sending him a message after our lunch date thanking him for lunch. (He paid for our lunch at a swanky sushi restaurant.) That was over a week ago. Eh, whatever.
I had a fourth 1st date planned last night. He stood me up. It is the second time in my life that’s happened (first time was with catfish Vince back in December 2014). I was pissed but oddly enough wasn’t that surprised, as there was a sudden change in messaging behavior with him yesterday. Still, I sent a message yesterday afternoon confirming we were still meeting for a late dinner that evening. I suggested 3 places to meet and let him make the final choice. He chose the place, and I told him I’d see him there at 8.
I arrived a few minutes early, put our name on the list for a table, and texted him, “I arrived a little early. I’m standing by the door wearing jeans and a black jacket.”
I didn’t hear from him. After waiting 15 minutes, I decided to check his Tinder location to see if he was nearby. Nope. Tinder showed he was 8 miles away. OK, maybe he’s stuck in bridge traffic. I checked in again 5 minutes later to see if he was on his way and was getting closer. Nope, still 8 miles away.
Fuck that. I left quickly and had a sweet impromptu date with myself: Thai food at a neighborhood Thai bistro, then home for a long hot relaxing bath and early-ish bedtime.
I was mostly unfazed by Dude #4’s stand-up routine because, you know, a date with myself isn’t a bad default option. However, I was expecting to receive a message from him explaining what happened. An apology and/or an excuse. It didn’t happen. I checked in again on his location before climbing into bed. He had unmatched himself.
That’s when I became… what’s the right word? Bewildered. I can’t say I was angry because I wasn’t emotionally invested, and waiting for him at that restaurant for 20 minutes wasn’t exactly an inconvenience. I had deliberately chosen restaurant options along my commute home from work. I was most upset that it delayed my dinner longer than it had to. I was starving by then and am not used to eating so late.
But what kind of sadist confirms plans and then just doesn’t show up, cancel, or apologize?! I am completely and utterly baffled.
Should I have known better? There were some red flags, yes, but I never expected such blatant assholery. I give people more credit than that. I always expect people to do the right thing and act with integrity like an adult.
I’m in early discussions with a few guys I haven’t yet met. I was smitten with one (he suggested an ice cream parlor crawl for our first date – what’s not to love?!) until he asked for a risque photo. I told him no and haven’t heard from him since.
Another is bombarding me with texts. I’m getting overwhelmed and annoyed.
I got an OK Cupid message from The Blond Mandarin a couple days ago. Surprise! I’ve ignored and immediately deleted. I have no interest in seeing him or playing those same old games again.
I received an OK Cupid message from worst date Vijay. He was stalking my profile several times a day before sending the message. I immediately deleted. If he contacts me or visits my page again, I’m going to block him.
I also received another OK Cupid message from one of the first guys I dated post-separation. We went out one time. We seemed to have chemistry but I found him annoying. Like, for example, while talking to me he’d sometimes turn and talk to an imaginary person in a sarcastic voice in an attempt to be funny. It wasn’t funny at all to me. Anyway, I haven’t deleted his message just yet. I’m considering responding politely and asking how he’s doing. I will not be going out with him again.
I’m uncharacteristically indifferent this time around to the dating scene. I hope it becomes more interesting but, if not, I’m relishing the time to myself. A quiet home all to myself on my kid-free evenings is blissful.