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I had 6 dates from Thursday to Sunday evening. It was an exhausting yet exhilarating weekend.

Date #1: Bumble Dad

This was a 2nd date with Bumble Dad. Since we work near each other, we met for lunch. He’s 47, a civil engineer, and has 2 young daughters. I’m not sure what to think here. It seems like we might be best suited as friends only. I don’t sense sparks at all. He’s a nice guy, though. We have easy conversation and laughs. Jury’s still out on this one!

Date #2: Hipster

I’d been chatting with this dude for about a week. He has a great sense of humor but sometimes pushes the jokes too far… including some jokes with sexual undertones. He was really overbearing with texting at first but we eventually got into a good rythym. He’s 48, a dad to 2 young kids, and is a software engineer. We met on Tinder.

Our 1st date was on Friday evening. We opted for dinner (risky for a 1st date, I know). We had a great time and easy conversation but I just wasn’t feeling it. I had missed from his photos that he had lots of ear piercings, including those long bar type. Not my style or my type at all. We mainly talked and laughed about our most outlandish dates. Hipster had some great stories! I hadn’t been feeling well and had actually had a doctor appointment a couple hours prior to our date (diagnosis: middle ear infection) so I wanted to go home after dinner and relax. He seemed eager to continue the date but he doesn’t drink. I suggested going to a coffee or tea spot but he seemed more keen to come back to my place. Um, no. Hipster drove me home and we had some sweet goodnight kisses in the car before I hopped out.

Date #3: Adonis


Adonis & Venus

I had matched with Adonis on Tinder on Friday, the same day we met. He’s a 31 year old mechanical engineer cutie. Soon after I got home from my date with Hipster, I got a message from Adonis asking if I wanted to chat on the phone. Absolutely! We had a fabulous 1 hour conversation while he drove home from work on his long commute. Easy banter, sometimes flirty, sometimes poking fun at each other. Lots of laughs. We tried to find a time to schedule meeting each other but it was proving to be difficult with my child custody schedule. He said he was available that evening to meet up if I was… but that he was in the middle of his annual month-long break from alcohol. This severely limited our late night venue meet-up locations. My intuition didn’t sense anything iffy so I said, “Fuck it. Come to my place. I’m not feeling that great tonight anyway and you’re not drinking so where else can we really go?” We planned to watch some Olympics after he arrived.

I greeted him at the door when arrived at my house at 10 pm. Holy shit. A Greek God walked into my house. Gorgeous thick dark hair. Dark eyes. Gorgeous smile with dimples. Tall, lanky chiseled body (he’s 6’4″). Adorable outfit. And he smelled so good!

We sat and talked on the couch. I served Adonis grapefruit juice; I nursed a single beer. We turned on the Olympics and watched some men’s swimming, but mostly we talked. He was so sweet and funny and polite. We gave each other foot massages.

At some point we started kissing, which led to making out and groping… which eventually led to us shedding our clothing. Adonis had an enormous cock. I had never seen anything quite like it.

We had sex 3 times that night and into the next day. His massive cock tore me up and caused abrasions, but it hurt so good. No complaints here.

The first time, I bled a little. This was surprising because my period had ended the day prior. Most likely this was due to his cock ramming my cervix at one point. He seemed bent out of shape about this. He said, “You should have told me you were on your period.” I told him I wasn’t, that I hadn’t bled all day. I asked him if it was a problem and he said no, he just would have liked to know what to expect. He jokingly asked if I was a virgin. Yes, Adonis, I have two kids from immaculate conception.

We slept curled into each other that night. He left the next morning at 9:15 because I had a coffee date at 10 with Frenchie.

Date #4: Frenchie

I matched with Frenchie a couple weeks prior on Bumble but had only had 3 brief chat exchanges with him. I knew virtually nothing about him except that he was 35, from the south of France, and worked as a psychologist. We met for coffee at Java Beach Cafe with plans to take a stroll on the beach.

He bought us both coffee and we crossed the street onto the beach. We walked and talked for an hour, mainly about his job, our past relationships, and dating. I asked him about dating in France, as it’s very different from dating here (a tidbit I’d recently learned from discussions with another French guy I’d briefly matched with). He said he hates the American way of dating multiple people at once. Uh oh. He thinks that people should give each other a chance first before dating someone else. I disagreed, saying that sounds like an instant relationship and the process of dating is so that you can get to know someone to learn if you want to date them exclusively or not. I mean, I understand what he’s saying. Dating competition is fierce here! But I don’t see the point of dating one person at a time right off the bat. I learned I was his first Bumble date, and his first date in several months. He had tried and disliked Tinder.

We obviously are not well suited for each other. He had to get to work so we hugged each other and said our goodbyes.

Date #5: Smolder

I matched with Smolder a week prior on Tinder. 30 years old, works in operations at a start-up, and a drummer. We hit it off quickly and made plans to meet ASAP. We set our 1st date for Saturday night. He suggested a phone call a couple days beforehand, which turned into a 3 hour long chat. Talking with him was so much fun, and we got along like 2 peas in a pod. Something about the way he spoke reminded me of Ivy League.

We met for dinner on Saturday night. He was waiting outside the restaurant for me. Damn, he looked even better than his Tinder photos! His gorgeous, piercing eyes instantly drew me in and made me weak in the knees.

We sat at the bar eating carnitas tacos and drinking beer while talking up a storm. I felt giddy sitting there next to him.

After a couple beers, we decided to head to the microbrewery in my neighborhood. Parking was impossible to find, though, so I suggested we head up the hill to my house and either walk down or get an Uber. Once in front of my house, it was cold and foggy and as much as I wanted to go out for beers, I was feeling lazy. I suggested simply staying at my place and opening a bottle of wine instead. Neither of us are big wine drinkers (I’m sensitive to it, borderline intolerant) but that’s all I had and he admitted to not feeling motivated to hike down the hill, either.

We sat on my couch, talking and sipping wine. Even a small amount of wine messes with me; I don’t remember minute details after this point. I don’t remember the specifics of who kissed who and when, but it eventually happened. I invited him to stay the night at my place. We had sex 4 times that night and into the next day.

When sex gets really intense for me, I sometimes lose my senses and mumble “no”. I don’t know why I do this, but I think it’s because I’m afraid of what will happen when pushed further. So I was apparently mumbling no, and he stopped me and asked, “What?! What’s wrong? Do you need me to stop?” I hadn’t even realized I was saying it. I told him I didn’t need him to stop. He replied, “I take the word no seriously. Don’t say it unless you mean it.” I suggested a code word and he said, “You mean like ‘no’?” We laughed. Ok, point taken.

I had a massive headache the next morning due to the wine. Smolder had to do some work that day and was also going to band practice. I had errands to run, and a meeting with an old friend. We said our goodbyes and he left in an Uber.

Date #6: Colombian Hottie

Yes, you read that right. I had a date with Colombian Hottie! He had contacted me a few days prior via text out of the blue. I was surprised he had my phone number, as we used to solely talk on a social app I no longer have. He sent me a message simply saying, “I hope you’re having an awesome summer, Lauren”. We sent a couple texts back and forth, then he suggested catching up over dinner.

He was learning! After our blow-up several months ago over my questioning him about his intentions, he must have realized he wasn’t sending the right message. I told him I’d love to have dinner with him.

Dinner was difficult to schedule with his long commute from the south bay so he suggested meeting up on Sunday afternoon in Golden Gate Park.

I parked in his neighborhood then we walked into the park together, catching up the entire time. He looked incredible… somehow even cuter than I remembered. Then again, this was the first time I saw him in the daylight! We sat on the grass amid the flowers in front of the Conservatory and continued to chat. He has been traveling extensively both internationally and domestically and now has a new job.

After an hour-and-a-half, he suggested going back to his house to watch the Olympics. His friend and Colombian star triple-jump athlete, Caterine Ibarguen, was going to be competing and he had to see it. She ended up winning the gold! Colombian Hottie was ecstatic, excitedly texting his friends and family.

We had sex twice before I left to pick up my kids. It was awesome, super sweet, and even better than I remembered. We said our goodbyes while repeatedly kissing each other. *sigh*


The weekend left me feeling confused about what I want and what I’m doing. This is what’s so frustrating about dating: it takes two and both parties have to be on the same page at the same time. In the meantime, you continue scheduling dates with others in hopes of achieving the “sweet spot” of chemistry and perfect timing. If Colombian Hottie, Adonis, or Smolder wanted to start an exclusive relationship, I would happily consider it.

Maybe I’m leaning toward the French dating lifestyle, after all.