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I had 2 first dates this week on both my kid-free nights. One was with Joaquin Phoenix and the other was with Hayden Christensen. OK, not really! (Fooled you, didn’t I?!)

I had dates with their doppelgangers.

Tuesday Night Date

Name: Joaquin

Met on: OK Cupid

31 years old, never married, no kids, attorney





Joaquin impressed me before I even met him. Each and every text message he sent before our date blew me away. It was apparent he was really in tune with his emotions. He was mature and honest. He told me exactly what he was looking for without my having to ask. What he wants is what I want: passion with connection.

We met at my neighborhood microbrewery. He was late due to work but kept me informed of his whereabouts and was really apologetic. I appreciated this. His tardiness didn’t bother me; I was already sitting at the bar with a beer decompressing from a busy day. I was enjoying the downtime.

He arrived 15 minutes late at 9 pm. He was visibly anxious from arriving late and having not yet eaten dinner. I insisted he order food ASAP. He ordered tacos and a soda. Ordering a soda in a microbrewery was a little unusual, so I asked him if he drank. He said no, explaining that he’s a recovering alcoholic. Sober 2 years.

Over the course of the evening, I learned that his high school and college identity was defined by his drinking. He was well-known as a heavy drinker and maybe subconsciously perpetuated that reputation. He later learned when he went to rehab that he was likely drinking to self-medicate his undiagnosed anxiety.

I also learned that he chose to go into law because he wanted to fight injustice. I was touched and thought it very noble of him. He’s a real-life superhero.

We talked about dating and our families.

At about midnight, he suggested we go back to my house to make out and said he’d leave whenever I wanted him to. He said he doesn’t believe in sex on the first date.

We kissed in his car before heading to my house. He tasted faintly of cigarettes. He was stunned I could taste it, claiming he only smokes 3 cigarettes per day. I responded that I’m a “super taster” and have very sensitive taste buds. Smoking is a deal-breaker for me but, with everything Joaquin has been through, I gave him a pass. Dude’s been through the wringer. I told him he should work on eventually breaking the smoking habit and he agreed.

Despite the smoky taste, he was fun to kiss!

Back at my house, my top, bra, and pants eventually came off while we kissed and groped. My undies stayed on. Joaquin ecstatically caressed every inch of my body. He was so breathless and visibly turned on I was convinced he was going to orgasm from touch alone. I was in heaven; his hands on my body felt divine.

I gave him a hand job and a blow job but his anxiety meds made it difficult for him to climax. Unable to bring him to orgasm myself, I asked him to masturbate and make himself cum. It took some time but he eventually succeeded.

Finally, at 2 am we realized we needed to break free from each other. We both had to work the next day.

He said he had an incredible time with me and asked when he could see me next.

I got just 5 hours of sleep that night and was busy and exhausted the next day. That afternoon I was surprised to receive the following very long sweet text from him:

Hi – hope you’re not too exhausted; guess what time I got into work? 11. And I mentioned to my boss yesterday that I had a date last night…

And guess what? It was so worth it.

Don’t worry, I won’t start texting you all the time, but I did want to tell you what a genuinely great time I had with you. And I’m telling you this because it is easy, especially with separate, really busy lives, meeting new people, and time in between seeing each other (next week at least, right?) it can be a lot easier to forget about that person – not on purpose, of course, but just because of the logistics – and I want to write this to you now while the feelings are only hours behind me.

I felt totally comfortable with you from first sitting down at the bar – obviously I did, telling you about sobriety, etc., but not a familiar comfortability, a comfortability that I wanted you to know me, I wanted to share what I have learned over the past two years about myself and how to whatever the fuck you want all the time and not stand in your own way. Warmth – that’s what I felt from you, what I feel when I think about wanting to share with you; and also a sincere curiosity and openness that is so inviting and attractive – positivity; just total positivity radiating from you…but also a feeling like enlightenment or contentment or inner peace, whatever you want to call it, is so close, you can see it, almost in striking range, but somehow it’s just out of your reach, and there are hints of sadness and openess lead to being disappointed by people I can feel from you; but just hints, and I think I wanted to tell you about what I’ve learned over the past two years bc maybe it’ll help you get there…whether these things are true or not doesn’t really matter – it’s how you make me feel, and make me want you. Badly

You turn me on so fucking much. As I am typing this, I can feel your body under my hands, your amazing tits and seriously perfect ass, and, the way you look bent over in front of me, exploring the places that make you shudder and exhale and writhe and…I could easily slip into sex stuff, which I won’t because I am at work and don’t want to get hard and (extra) frustrated…but in case you want to read what I want to do to you, I have been told by more than a couple of women that I should write erotic romance trash stuff, and I am really, really good at it, and with you…my fucking God what I want to tell you…I will just say that the way you got me off, the energy behind it, the way you handled my cock – that is, like, exactly the mood/feel/energy/I can’t think of the word – warmth and sincerity and enthusiasm and desire – an almost wholesome approach to making me cum, which somehow makes it more base and vulgar – and fucking hot as fuck. Seriously.

And seriously – don’t feel the need to write me back anything long or profound – I had to write you this because this shit is rattling around my brain and this is the only way to get it out.

And oh – look what I found. A certain message I KNEW I sent Sunday night.So while you don’t need to write anything back, a confirmation at some point today that you got this would be nice. So there ๐Ÿ˜‰

I need to see you again next week when you can. Let me know what day. You = gorgeous

Joaquin’s text made my day. It was so heartfelt and genuine and beyond his years. Hell, it’s beyond my years! I am incredibly attracted to his honesty.

We have been exchanging texts since our date. I am continually blown away by what he writes. I like that he’s verbal, probably because I’m a writer. Words and choice of words mean a lot to me and he’s a pro at it.

He asked to see me the night after our first date, but I had to decline because I already had plans with Hayden. He knew it was crazy to ask for a 2nd date the night after our 1st, but he said he just had to throw it out there as a possibility in case it worked for me. I was touched. We have our 2nd date planned for next week.

In the meantime, he’s sent me some erotic thoughts of our night together. Amazingly awesome! I would share it here, but I’d rather keep it to myself. I already feel like I’ve shared too much.

Wednesday Night Date

Name: Hayden

Met on: OK Cupid

30 years old, never married, no kids, works as a program manager at a non-profit




Knowing that Hayden studied mathematics at university, I suspected he was a nerd. He was adorable in a boy-next-door way, and I had a hard time rectifying his background in mathematics with his good looks. Hilariously, my hunch that he was a nerd turned out to be a correct.

Before our first date, I suggested chatting on the phone. We talked for 3-1/2 hours! He was sweet, genuine, and polite with an awesome sense of humor. I still chuckle to myself remembering some of the things he said.

His language style and voice inflections had an air of nerdiness. It’s hard to describe exactly what I mean, only that he spoke in an almost stuffy way.

He seemed naรฏve. He had never traveled outside the country and had never been to a concert. I told him we needed to fix both those things.

He had never before tried online dating. He’d been on OK Cupid for 3 weeks. I was the first person he was going to meet. I informed him that he was lucky that I’d be his first online date.

He also had a naughty side. I loved the dichotomy.

He was certainly a mystery to me. I was really looking forward to meeting him and was actually a little nervous, which is rare for me.

We met at a charming bar in my neighborhood. He was 15 minutes late due to having to take public transit from the other side of the city in rush hour. I didn’t mind. He sent me regular updates on his whereabouts. I sat at the bar with a beer.

My breath caught a little when I first caught sight of him walking into the bar. He was even cuter than I expected. He outstretched his hand for a handshake, which I thought was nerdy yet charming. That had certainly never before happened on a first date before. If anything at all, we’ll give each other a hug.

We sat and talked for 2 hours in the bar, each finishing 2 beers, before he said, “You live near here, right? You should show me your place.” He certainly wasn’t shy. By this point, we’d had 3 or 4 brief mini-makeouts in the bar. While Joaquin tasted like cigarettes, Hayden tasted like coffee.

I drove us to my place. I gave him the grand tour of my house, then grabbed a couple beers from the fridge. We sat on my couch and talked some more while sipping beer. Eventually we were fully making out and groping each other before retreating to the bedroom. He accepted my invitation to stay the night but said he’d need to leave by 6 am.

We had sex 5 times in the 7 hours he was at my place: 3x before going to bed, 1x in the middle of the night, and 1x in the morning before he left. He ejaculated all 5 times. Impressive! He used the right amount of dirty talk and even occasionally called me ‘baby’. He got a gold star.

He has the most amazing colored eyes I’ve ever seen: a gorgeous light aqua. And his ass is perfect. I kept instinctively playfully smacking it and then I’d have to apologize. He thought it was hilarious; he didn’t mind at all.

Before leaving, he asked me when my next kid-free weekend was. When I told him, he said I should expect it to be “kid-free and cock-filled”. Mmmm, yes please. He also let me know that next time he saw me that he’d bring a toothbrush.

I estimated I got just 4-1/2 hours of sleep that night. The next day was brutal. I had a busy day at work that involved lots of driving and meetings at project sites. I didn’t feel on my game at all. My eyes burned from exhaustion.

I received a sweet text from him that evening saying “Hey I was thinking about you a lot today. I am really looking forward to next Tuesday or whenever I can see you next.” It gave me warm fuzzies.

Next week is filling up fast. I already have plans to see Hayden, Joaquin, and Smolder.

My current 5 guys who are interested in further dates (Hayden, Joaquin, Smolder, Colombian Hottie, and Adonis) are likely to keep me very busy. I switched myself to “undiscoverable” (i.e. invisible) on Tinder last week and am considering deactivating OK Cupid and turning off Bumble.

I have a couple prospective 1st dates on the horizon with guys I’ve been exchanging texts with but otherwise I have no intention of meeting anyone new who’s not already in the pipeline.

I feel like I need to tread very carefully here. Is it ethical for me to sleep with multiple guys at once? I wouldn’t be thrilled to learn that any of them are having passionate sex with other women on the nights I don’t see them. I have both physical and emotional intimacy with all of them. But, if it’s hypothetically unethical for me to be with multiple guys sexually, who would I choose at this point in time? Who would I eliminate? I don’t have all the information I need to make that decision yet.

If they are having sex with other women, as I’m sure they are, I don’t want to know about it. I’ll turn a blind eye and continue living in my rose-colored bubble. It’s heavenly in here!

The bottom line is that I really like all 5 guys and want to get to know each of them better. We’re all adults. We’re all having fun. I just hope no one gets their feelings hurt in the process.

It’s possible I’m over-thinking this. Time will ultimately tell and show me a clear path, right?