Way back during Phase 1 of my dating adventures, I was eventually told by several guys I dated, including Texas, that they always doubted my interest in them because I never reached out to text first. They thought I was just being polite by responding. They felt like they were putting in all the effort to stay in touch.
I could hear the hurt and confusion in their voices.
I was mortified to learn this. I had never realized I was sending the wrong message. I loved getting their texts and would respond quickly. I always held up my side of the text conversation.
I didn’t text them first because I didn’t want to bug them or make them feel obligated to respond. And I also had the antiquated notion that the guys should do the “hunting” and make the first move.
In hindsight, though, it just wasn’t that nice.
I’m doing things differently this time around. I am more conscientious about my texting habits. I will reach out first if I want to.
Dating is about connection, after all. Nurture the connection.
On a related note, I am considering uninstalling all my dating apps. Big step, I know! I am not active on any of them anymore but, for some reason, I am feeling some anxiety about the idea of not having them. I need to figure out why. It would be easy to get rid of them, especially because there are no current new prospects.
However, I was contacted by a new prospect yesterday through OK Cupid. 37 year old single dad (i.e. age-appropriate and life-stage-appropriate), fit, and extremely attractive. We seem to have a lot in common, too. He is promising! We have a phone call scheduled for tonight and a first date scheduled in over a week. I’m excited.
I saw Joaquin again last night. Date #5, I think. We were both exhausted so we had a low-key evening. We went out for pizza and fro-yo then went back to my place. We were going to watch some TV but knew we’d immediately fall asleep.
He brought his guitar and instead played a few songs for me. He is an amazing guitarist! He’s been playing for 20 years and was in bands in high school and college. He played me the complicated and technical “Stars” by Hum and “Everlong” by Foo Fighters. I was impressed.
I was in bed by 11:30. He was going to make coffee and come straight to bed but apparently got distracted. He said he checked work email. I woke up at 1:30 when he finally rolled into bed. I wasn’t too happy about it; it reminded me of my relationship with Mars and how we never went to bed at the same time… which eventually contributed to our sexless marriage.
We’re going to see each other again next week. I might make the trek to his place in Marin County for the first time.
Tonight I’ll be starting my long 5-day custody stretch so I don’t have any dates scheduled until mid next week. Scheduling is becoming complicated. Hipster has expressed his displeasure in not being able to schedule a 2nd date with me, Colombian Hottie has too, and I don’t have any break in my schedule for a 2nd date with Harry or a 4th date with Hayden. I have plans to see Luxe but may break them; I’d rather see Harry or Hayden.