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I don’t even know where to begin with this….

I’d already mentioned my upcoming date with the promising 37 year old dad. The much-anticipated date was last night. A few days before our date, we had an epic 5-hour phone conversation until 3 in the morning. So high school! We had so much fun talking with each other. It was easy and familiar. He’d been separated from his wife for 6 months, had a brief relationship with a coworker soon afterward, and had just begun online dating for the time in his life. I was going to be his first online date (lucky dude!).

We occasionally texted throughout the day since meeting on OK Cupid but yesterday, the day of our date, the texting ramped up 1000%. We were both ridiculously excited to finally meet each other. We were doing hourly countdowns and lamenting the slow passage of time. We probably exchanged 50 texts yesterday.

Name: Clark

Met on: OK Cupid

37 years old, separated, 2 young kids, techie at a gaming company



Clark (the hair is spot-on!)

When he finally arrived at my house, we hugged each other in a giddy bear hug embrace. It was so good to finally meet him! He was tall, dark, and gorgeous. Think Clark Kent but with big caramel-colored doe eyes and without glasses. Chiseled physique.

I grabbed my purse and jacket then we were off. Destination: drinks, dinner, and urban mini golfing. Clark was chivalrous and polite, opening my car door and walking on the traffic side of the sidewalk.

Once at the venue, we enjoyed a couple Pimm’s Cups before dinner. We were having a ball: constantly smiling, chatting, and joking with each other. We had originally set our first date for Saturday but had moved up the date to Wednesday because neither of us could handle the excessive wait. During our date I asked him if he wanted to keep our date for Saturday and he said, “Yeah! Why not?!”

The good conversation continued during dinner. Clark ordered the mahi mahi and a wedge salad; I had the shrimp & cheesy grits. More drinks flowed.

Before beginning mini golf, we placed a bet. Whoever lost had to give the winner a massage. I was sure I was going to win and made sure to let him know it.

We began slyly touching each other during mini golf. He would lean into me, I would touch his arm.

Turns out… I freaking lost by 2 points! We headed back to my house. Once parked in front of my house, I invited Clark in. He said he didn’t want to impose, but was hoping I’d ask.

We made ourselves comfy on the couch for a bit, then I remembered my lost bet. I invited him into the bedroom for his winning back massage. I used oil and massaged his ripped back and shoulders. (He’s training for his first body building competition.) Dude was cut!

Imagine my surprise when, after about 20 minutes, he announced it was my turn! Oh hell yes. His large hands on my back and shoulders felt amazing. I was in heaven. I thoughtlessly told him that my hips had been sore from my last workout, which was heavy on the squats, and he suggested removing my pants so he could massage them. Sly move. I unbuckled my jeans and he slid them off.

He massaged my hips and butt. I was a pile of jelly.

Soon, he turned me over to face him and we attacked each other. My hungry mouth on his. Hands groping everywhere.

It was day 1 of my period. Translation: Super heavy flow. I told him this and he said he didn’t care if I didn’t. We all know I don’t care. I excused myself to the bathroom so I could remove my Diva Cup and get a large towel.

The sex was tender yet super hot. I had 5 orgasms. He climaxed at the end in a big fanfare. We had a very intimate discussion after sex, looking into each other’s eyes. Connection. Chemistry. Everything felt right.

We were both a bloody mess afterward. I told him I had to jump in the shower; he asked to join me. It was familiar and intimate… me removing my eye makeup with my hair in a bun, occasionally kissing him with me pressed against the tile wall.

He asked what I wanted next. I told him I wanted him to stay the night. It was 3 am at this point. He had to wake up at 5 but agreed nonetheless. I was touched.

His alarm woke him at 5. He got up and got dressed while I snoozed. When it was time for him to go, I groggily walked him to the door in my pajamas. Our tight embrace was punctuated by long kisses.

I went back to bed after he left and slept a couple more hours.

This morning as I was getting ready for work, I was euphoric. I really liked Clark. He seemed perfect for me in every way. He wasn’t the “dating multiple people” type and I wondered how and when I’d break the news to Joaquin, Hayden, Harry, Colombian Hottie, and Smolder (yes, he’s back as of a few days ago) that I’d met someone I wanted to pursue seriously.

I sent Clark a good morning text and told him I’d hoped he wasn’t feeling too miserable on just 2 hours of sleep.

An hour-and-a-half later, I received a horrifying response from him while I was on BART heading to work. It was a long text, but the Cliff’s Notes version was that he was missing a connection, and that he needed to keep looking for it. Then he ended by saying, “I hope you’ll understand and I hope you’ll be well as you find what you’re looking for.” It was clearly a goodbye, not an open-ended let’s see where this goes thing. Saturday night’s date was obviously canceled.

I sat in stunned confusion, trying to make sense of what I’d just read. How was it possible I’d misread the situation so badly? I felt mislead and betrayed. I was upset. The tears burned behind my eyelids but I wouldn’t let them escape.

I responded to his text. I told him I was confused and surprised, that I’d felt connection and chemistry, and I was sorry to hear something was missing for him. I wished him well in his pursuit.

No response. I suppose I don’t expect one. But an explanation – if he has one – would be nice. He might not know himself. He’s inexperienced with dating so maybe he’s freaking out. Who knows. I hope dude thinks about his actions and how they can impact someone in the future. I feel like he broke an unsaid dating rule.

Let this be a lesson for both of us.

And now… back to my regularly scheduled dates. Tonight I see Joaquin; tomorrow I see Hayden.