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I saw Hayden on Friday night. And he met my kids… as a “friend”.

I know. This is monumental. But I don’t want to assign too much importance to it. I want my kids to meet whoever I’m dating, not just those I’m in a relationship with.

I struggled with the idea for a bit but then decided it’s better for everyone if it’s a casual meeting. I don’t know if I’m fooling my kids… but they’ll eventually meet others. Joaquin has already mentioned that he’d like to join me taking them to a ska concert. That’s in the works.

Anyway, the kids really liked Hayden. He brought cookies; obviously a bit hit. He was his usual funny and charming self.

Hayden arrived shortly before the kids’ bedtime. I tucked my daughter into bed and let my son stay up a little later than usual on his tablet in his bedroom since it was a Friday night. Hayden brought a bottle of wine so we opened that, poured ourselves a couple glasses, then chatted a bit before starting the last 2 episodes of Stranger Things.

I had told him beforehand that he could stay as long as he liked but that I didn’t think it was a good idea for him to stay overnight while the kids were there. He understood and agreed.

After TV, we had sex over and over again. It was both tender and passionate. And the cuddles were fucking amazing. At one point I complained that I didn’t feel as though I could get close enough to him. I practically wanted to climb inside him. He called me Baby constantly and even liberally used the word ‘love’… as in “I love being inside you – it feels so good” and “I love it when you touch me like that”.

Also… I had to forcefully stop myself from telling him I love him. I know! Was I just in the throes of passion or do I really feel that way? Shit.

We fell asleep without setting the alarm. I woke up as the sun was coming up and panicked. My daughter gets up with the sun. He expressed shock at how late it was and started to get up… but I stopped him and told him not to worry about it.

Soon I heard my daughter moving around the house, then my son. Hayden and I lounged bed a while longer before getting up. We all sat in the living room for a few minutes chatting about our plans that day. The kids and I were leaving town; Hayden had errands to run.

Later that evening, Hayden sent me a text saying that my kids are really nice. That made me smile. Granted, they just happened to be on their best behavior by fluke…. haha.

He’s been a little more attentive than usual by text and has even called me a pet name. It makes me wonder what he’s thinking. I know he stopped seeing the last girl he was dating because she was pushing for a relationship too soon. Sometimes I wonder what “too soon” is for him.

Would I want a relationship with Hayden? Possibly. We get along really well, it’s comfortable, and the sex is incredible. He gets along with my kids. He’d probably get along well with my family. He’s a likable guy. But I obviously need more time to figure this out.

What’s really interesting is that before seeing Hayden on Friday night, I was favoring Joaquin. Since Friday night, I’m favoring Hayden. This flip-flopping makes me nervous.

I hate to say it… but I now wonder if Joaquin is just blowing smoke with all the sweet talk. He joined Bumble and his profile came up on my phone on Saturday. I delayed making a decision but his profile kept popping up, ultimately demanding a decision before offering me more profiles. So I swiped right. We matched. I sent the first message, as is required.

He didn’t respond and the match expired! WTF is that about?!

I was also a bit bothered by something he said in his profile. He said, “I’ll hold the door open for you, then hold you down.”

It would be a ridiculous double-standard for me to be upset about that. If he’s like me… which I’m guessing he is… he’s dating and fucking others. The difference is I don’t advertise it in my profile, and I don’t like that he does.

He needs to keep dating others probably much more than I do. I need to remember that. I remember him telling me on Wednesday night that he feels like he’s making up for lost time after being checked out with drugs & alcohol for all those years. He’s growing and finding himself. I noted that he was drugged during his formative years (as early as age 15!) – very important years!

I also told him that I’m proud of him. Overcoming addiction is not easy.

So I’ve been struggling with that…which incidentally has also made it much easier to feel closer with Hayden.

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