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This is a common question when starting a conversation with a new prospect. It’s an especially touchy question for me because I don’t know how to answer it. I’ve recently realized that if I say that I’m looking for “fun, connection, passion, chemistry”, like I used to, the guys tend to think I’m looking for a hook-up.

But saying “I’m ideally looking for a long-term monogamous relationship”, as I sometimes do, freaks them out. Understandably so. If someone said that to me, I wouldn’t be interested. It implies instant relationship. Nobody wants that.

Today I actually stopped a prospect mid-conversation (it was getting a little too sexual in nature) and told him I wasn’t looking for a hook-up. He was surprised and said, “you could have fooled me”. I asked him to explain.

Him: Well, you were being flirty back….

Me: I’m not a prude!

Him: I’m not ready for a serious relationship

Oh geez.

Me: I’m not looking for a serious relationship, either! At least not yet. I want more than a hook-up, though.

Why does it have to so black & white? I believe that a relationship will naturally progress with the right guy.

In the meantime, one guy I have yet to meet had the perfect response to that question: “I’m looking for something meaningful.” I think I’m going to use that from now on.