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Who will win my heart? Good question… one I am troubled by. Hayden and Joaquin are completely different from each other. And both have negative traits that are offset by their positive traits.

I like them both equally well.

In an attempt to break it down and hopefully enlighten myself, I’m going to highlight their differences, similarities, strengths, and weaknesses.


Joaquin is complicated. He’s an over-thinker like I am.

Joaquin is high-maintenance. He is opinionated and slightly obsessive-compulsive. He has anger and entitlement issues bubbling under the surface. He’s from money; both parents and his sibling are doctors.

Hayden, on the other hand, is obvious. What you see is what you get.

Hayden is low-maintenance. He lives an uncomplicated life. He enjoys his demanding work then mainly reads in his spare time. He doesn’t go out often, if at all. He’s from humble beginnings.


Both are dynamo firecrackers with lots of passion. However, Joaquin is much more creative and adventurous. Hayden is pretty vanilla. He seems to favor bedroom sex and the missionary position.

However, I love that Hayden can climax easily over and over again and rarely loses his erection. It takes a lot of patience and effort for Joaquin to climax (sometimes up to 2 concentrated hours!), due to his anxiety medications, and he can only cum by jerking himself off.

Both have lots of energy and endurance. Yum.


Hayden works in management for a career development non-profit. Joaquin is a rising attorney. (He’s waiting for his bar exam results.) Both love what they do.


It still cracks me up that neither of them were born when Depeche Mode first rocked my world at age 13.

Incidentally, I was surprised to learn that Joaquin’s world was first rocked also at age 13… by Green Day.

Joaquin, like me, is a huge music aficionado. He favors punk and 80s alternative.

Hayden likes music but it’s not a big part of his life. He favors classical and classic rock from 60s and 70s. And, shockingly, he claims to have never heard Nine Inch Nails and “isn’t very familiar with Depeche Mode”. Damn. Was he unconscious during the 90s??


Hayden is the only guy I’ve ever met that reacts to touch like I do. Touch alone makes him shudder and sigh. (His touch gives me near-constant goose bumps – it’s so good it’s like a drug!) I am pretty sure “physical touch” is Hayden’s love language, as it is mine. Hayden loves cuddling and holding my hand.

Joaquin is very expressive and emotional. I love it. He is very in-tune with himself and goes to counseling appointments regularly, which he claims has made all the difference in his emotional maturity. Plus, being that he’s good with words, I think “words of affirmation” is probably his love language. He isn’t a big cuddler and doesn’t hold my hand.


I can’t make logical sense of my feelings for them on paper… so I’ll have to leave the decision to my heart. My heart, however, is flaky and doesn’t know what the fuck it wants. It cannot be trusted… at least not yet.

Time will tell.