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I don’t even know if I should still be referring to my time spent with Joaquin and Hayden as “dates”. I feel like we’re in that weird in-between stage, i.e. past the first few dates and before a relationship.

I saw Hayden and Joaquin this week on my 2 kid-free nights.

Hayden came over Tuesday night. We chatted quite a while before moving into the bedroom. I put on Nine Inch Nail’s album The Fragile, since he said he was fairly certain he’d never heard their music. This was unacceptable to me. Due to a yeast infection I was diagnosed with earlier that day, we unfortunately had to take it easy on the sex. We only fucked twice. I’ve already mentioned that he’s nerdy and vanilla, both of which were highlighted that night when he theatrically “threw” me on the bed before pouncing on me. It almost looked staged. I had to refrain from laughing.

Afterward, we extensively snuggled. He even made a comment like, “you’re extremely affectionate, aren’t you?”. I laughed. Of course I’m affectionate! I can’t keep my hands to myself. I mainly caressed his face and neck, but also traced my fingers along his arms, chest, stomach, legs.

He is equally affectionate. I eat it up.

He also gave me a heavenly back massage since my upper back & shoulders were tense. Afterward, we started a new TV series to watch together: Making a Murderer.

We fell asleep cuddled together. When I woke up several hours later, I was smashed up against him so close that I was practically on top of him. He left at 7 am, which gave me time before I had to leave for work to change the sheets on the bed. I was expecting Joaquin that night.

Joaquin picked me up after work from a Muni train station along my commute path. We went straight to my place and had sex for the following 2-1/2 hours. He could not climax, which caused him a great deal of frustration. It was 8 pm and I was starving. It was way past my dinner time.

We went out for Italian food. I love our conversations. They’re always fun, enlightening, and mentally stimulating. I don’t know how the topic came up, but he once again told me about a woman he used to date and how she contacted him 2 days ago. He said, “I probably shouldn’t be telling you this because it’s a double-standard. I don’t want to hear about your dates. I don’t want to think about you with other guys.”

I told him I didn’t care, so he read me some of their text exchange. My takeaway from the exchange was that there was a misunderstanding; she was butt-hurt and bitchy and he was pretty harsh.

But something he said early on in the text exchange was enlightening. Before things got heated between them, he had told her that he had wanted to see her again. Hmm.

After it was all said and done, he looked at me and said, “I want you to know that I haven’t seen her since we’ve been dating.” I may have looked confused because I certainly felt confused. I mean, I don’t doubt that he hasn’t seen her. But I don’t care about her; she’s an immature wacko. What about other women?!

What I suddenly realized is that it doesn’t matter to me. I am not going to wait around to see if he likes me well enough to stop seeing other women. What about what I want? That’s more important. I create my own destiny. If I eventually decide I don’t want him to see other women, I can tell him that and see what happens.

Another notable thing he said to me was, “It’s really nice seeing you just once a week. If we saw each other every day, we’d eventually get sick of each other.” I responded unthinkingly, “Oh, that has nothing to do with how often two people see each other. It will still happen. It will just take longer.” I am cracking up about that today. When did I switch from an optimist to a realist?

A big plus about Joaquin is that he’s always very complimentary. I’m amazing, I’m cool, I’m sexy, I’m hot, I’m beautiful, I have my shit together, I turn him on so much, I know just how to please him, etc. Big head Lauren and the monsters!

However, his inability to communicate via text is going to be the death of me. I’m starting to see that it’s very one-sided… and it’s not just with me. It was illuminated when he was telling me about what happened with that woman he used to date before me. Their entire misunderstanding happened because he couldn’t handle her calling him out of the blue, which snowballed into him ghosting her and then insulting each other via text.

When I left my house this morning, Joaquin was still asleep. I told him he was welcome to stay at my place and study before heading home. Soon after leaving the house, I sent him a text telling him something I had forgotten to tell him. I still haven’t heard back from him and that was 6 hours ago. What the fuck?! It wasn’t anything that required a response but I thought I’d at least receive a short comment or confirmation… or even something unrelated like, “hey, I’m leaving your house now – all locked up”. No, none of that, and I’m somewhat bent out of shape about it. I kind of expect a courtesy text being that he’s at my house lounging around when I’m not there. I’m agitated that communication has to always be on his terms, when he feels like it, when his anxiety can handle it. Fuck that.

Looks like this is something I’ll need to bring up. Knowing him, it’s probably not going to go over well.

Hayden texted this morning asking what my plans were for tonight because he wanted to see me. What what? Twice in one week?! This is big! But, alas, it wasn’t meant to be, after all, because he now has some work to do tonight at home.

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