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I don’t want to continue titling weekly posts “Hayden & Joaquin” and all its variations…but I do see each of them once per week, sometimes more, and I usually see them on back-to-back nights.

I saw Hayden on Monday night and Joaquin unexpectedly last night.

Hayden arrived at 7. I had a bottle of French white wine chilling and Hayden surprised me by bringing a 6-pack of fancy beer, Kronenbourg 1664 Blanc. I’d never had it before – delicious! Hayden is so freaking cute. We are magnetic; we couldn’t stop touching each other and stealing kisses in the kitchen where the kids wouldn’t see us.

The kids were keen on watching a movie so we put on one of my personal favorites, Clueless. We’d all seen it before but, hey, it’s a classic! All 4 of us sat on the couch snuggled together. Aww.

After the kids went to bed, Hayden and I retreated to my bedroom and got busy. Again, we had to take it easy because I was still having symptoms from the yeast infection. (Incidentally, I found out yesterday when the lab results came back that it’s bacterial vaginosis, not yeast! No wonder 2 rounds of Diflucan didn’t work…..)

Afterward, he was so snuggly. Damn. Lots of Oxytocin was circulating in my bloodstream; I was on cloud 9 and smitten.

I like Hayden. Sweet, adorable, drama-free Hayden.

He stayed overnight but left at 6:30 the next morning as the sun was coming up. I texted him a photo of the gorgeous sunrise over Twin Peaks from my bedroom window on his ride home.

We have plans to see each other Friday night. I’m looking forward to it because it means we can have a leisurely Saturday morning. No rushing off to work.

Joaquin and I typically see each other every Wednesday night. This was the first Wednesday since we’ve met I wouldn’t see him since I have family in town from out-of-state and had plans to see them instead. It was the only night that worked for them.

I was feeling a little bitter toward Joaquin after not hearing from him for several days, and especially after not hearing from him on Sunday at the music festival. Plus, he hung out at my house last Thursday while I was at work and didn’t bother responding to one of my texts for several hours, which rubbed me the wrong way.

I was suspicious. Did he have a girlfriend?! This was bullshit.

Yesterday, I received a text from him saying he was coming over to my house on Wednesday. He also included some racy verbiage on what he was planning to do to me sexually. Oh, really?! I was a little miffed he was so presumptuous about my free time.

I took my time responding, then told him I wasn’t available and why. I asked him if Thursday worked instead. He told me was bummed and that Thursday didn’t work for him, but suggested Sunday. Then he said, “This is the first week since we’ve met we’re not hanging out.” That made me sad.

I didn’t know quite what to say so I waited to respond. In the meantime, he texted again suggesting meeting up that same night (last night).

I originally had a first date planned last night but had asked him to confirm yesterday. When he didn’t, I was agitated. I have since heard back from him but he hasn’t yet suggested rescheduling. Dude blew it.

At 7:30, I figured first date plans were off so I texted Joaquin back saying last night worked with caveats. I had my kids until 8 so he could only arrive any time after they left, I was exhausted, and my infection meant I couldn’t have sex. (Sex with Hayden the night prior + bacterial vaginosis = painful lacerated labia.) And if that wouldn’t work, Sunday probably would.

He was actually quick to respond from that point forward, saying he still wanted to see me and that he looks forward to seeing me every week. Aww. He also promised me I wouldn’t have to stay up late waiting for him to come. Hahaha

I told him I’d love to see him if he was up to the drive. He said absolutely. And then he sent me tons of texts asking if I was hungry, if I wanted him to bring me anything, if I didn’t know if I wanted anything now but realized it later, that was okay because I could text him as he was driving and he could stop. Aww.

He arrived with flowers. A beautiful bundle of lavender daisies. We hugged each other tightly.

As he was unloading the groceries he brought, he told me that he could tell something was off and that he was a little worried. I told him I was tired, sick of the week-long spotting and vaginal woes, and was a little irritated by something else. I paused. The pause freaked him out. I quickly explained, “I didn’t hear from you for a few days. I know myself and I know I need regular communications. I don’t feel close to you when I don’t hear from you.”

He said, “You know, I was thinking about this before you even brought it up. I know I haven’t been good at keeping in touch these past few days. I will give you what you need. If you need more frequent texts, I can absolutely do that. That’s not asking a lot.”

He heard me. He took me seriously. He did not judge me or tell me I was being ridiculous. I was so relieved I felt like crying. I explained that I didn’t need long novel-length texts like he’s accustomed to. All I needed were short check-in texts.

We hugged each other tight right there in my kitchen.

He admitted, “Fuck, I almost had a heart attack when you told me you had something to tell me. I thought you were going to tell me that you didn’t want to see me anymore.” I was a little stunned he felt so strongly.

We settled on the couch and started the movie Cruel Intentions. We didn’t follow it very closely. Our hands were all over each other, my mouth on his cock.

I finally collapsed into bed at 1 am. He followed soon after but I was already passed out. I awoke this morning snuggled next to him with a smile on my face. I put my head on his chest and we cuddled each other. He dozed off, and each time I pulled away he would instinctively tighten his grip on me even while asleep. It was adorable.

He made coffee and we chatted while I finished getting ready. I was late leaving the house because he kept grabbing me, kissing me, and fondling me. Damn. I didn’t want to leave.

He’s already sent a few sweet texts today. He cut his hours at the law firm so he can focus on studying for round 2 of the bar (he hasn’t yet received his results but he is certain he didn’t pass) and is studying at my house today. He sent texts asking if he can stay at my place longer and if I want him to wash the blood-stained sheets on the bed (my period started this morning, ugh).

Maybe it’s coincidence or maybe he’s a quick learner… but I’m happy all the same.

I won’t see Joaquin again until next week.

So here I am, still caught in an uncertain love triangle. I thought for sure that bringing up my concerns with Joaquin would have him running for the hills, making Hayden the clear winner. I hate to say it, but I was pleasantly surprised by Joaquin’s reaction. I should expect more of him.

This will not end well. I feel like I’m in too deep with both of them. If either of them found out about the other, they would be crushed. Then again, I haven’t had the “relationship talk” with either of them yet….

It’s clear I still don’t know what the fuck I’m doing. I don’t want to hurt anyone. What a dilemma!

So, of course, to complicate things even further….

I have a first date late tonight after dinner plans with relatives. This is the 23 year old I’ve been chatting with for the past 5 weeks. Details later.