As far as I can tell, yesterday marks 3 months since I last had contact with Texas.
Time and distance have been fabulous. I feel like all the cobwebs have been cleared out of my mind and I can see reality. Our relationship, while sweet and intense, was not good for me. We were hideously incompatible. We both desperately wanted it to work even though it was destined to fail.
I become infuriated when I think back on certain points of time… to specific behaviors, specific comments, and obviously specific arguments. I am stunned by my tolerance. I don’t even recognize myself.
Still, I have no regrets. I’m even glad it ended when it did and the way it did because it was a point of no return. It was very matter-of-factly finished. There was no repairing the damage done.
I haven’t looked back. Texas made that part easy.
I still miss certain things about him. I miss the sex: the way our bodies fit together, the way his body felt on mine, our energy dynamic, his kisses. I miss his check-in texts throughout the day. I miss feeling like I was the most important person in the world to him. I miss the way he smelled. I miss the feeling of being nurtured for the first time in a relationship.
There are even more things about him that I don’t miss.
My daughter asked to see him nearly every day for weeks after we broke up. It was rough. I told her that we weren’t going to be seeing him much, if at all, but that I was sure he was missing her, too. And, maybe we could meet up with him eventually. I didn’t tell her, of course, that I wanted to be sure I had no feelings of animosity before seeing him again. Surprisingly, she stopped asking to see Texas after she was introduced to Hayden. I am grateful for that.
I loved Texas intensely. I will never minimize my feelings for him. However, I’m also glad our relationship is over and that I’ve moved on.