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The Cure’s “Friday I’m In Love”

Something felt different with Hayden when I saw him on Friday night. Of course, it wasn’t like it was a definite switch… it was just that things felt more serious. He called me Baby a lot. We had tender, passionate sex 7 times in the 18 hours we were together. We slept facing each other in a tight bear hug all night, with him kissing my forehead often. Sitting side by side on the couch, with our hands clasped together, he’d lift my hand often to kiss it.

My oxytocin levels were peaking. I considered telling him I loved him at 3 different times, but chickened out.

I love Hayden.

Before parting ways to run errands on Saturday, he took my son and I out to brunch (my daughter was spending the day with a friend at a local amusement park). We constantly held hands, kissing occasionally. I feel so good when I’m with him.

We said our goodbyes at my car. I told him not to go, or to at least stay a little longer. He said, “But Baby, I’ll see you the day after next. That’s not far away. The time will go fast.” I obviously don’t agree.

I was concerned. He never spends more than 1 night with me on the weekends. Is he dating other women? Does he simply need his space? Is he just not that into me?

My concerns were put to rest last night. Mostly. I sent him a text asking him about his day. When he responded he said he missed me a lot. Aww! Warm fuzzy heart.

He went on. He can’t stop thinking about me. He adores me. He can’t wait to see me Monday night.

My heart swelled. This was new and certainly a big change! He’d never said anything like this before. 

I’ve decided I will be telling him my true feelings soon. I’m scared as hell but at least now I’m a little less so.

Date with Mr. 95% is still a go. A relationship with Hayden is not guaranteed and I don’t burn bridges. I really hope Hayden wants a committed monogamous relationship like I do. Until I know for sure, I am proceeding with dating life as usual.

I want Hayden. I choose Hayden. But I’m terrified he won’t choose me back.

I did speak with Mr. 95% tonight on the phone. We had easy conversation, albeit short (he was on break at the hospital), and he is sweet and polite and charming. Good vibes. God help me. In some way, I hope our date is a flop because… well, Hayden. What a precarious situation. Of course, if Hayden and I have “the” conversation tomorrow night when we see each other, I’ll have to cancel Thursday’s first date with Mr. 95%.

I disabled my OK Cupid account. It’s official: I no longer have any online dating profiles! That’s monumental.