It’s official. Hayden is now officially my boyfriend! I am ecstatic.
Friday night’s candlelight pre-Thanksgiving dinner was fabulous. We gorged on so much pork tenderloin, kale salad, and sweet potato casserole that there was no room for dessert. We shared a bottle of Italian white wine then cozied up on the couch to watch one of my favorite movies, the quirky Australian Muriel’s Wedding. We had lots of passionate sex.
My emotions were intense. The way he looked at me, the things he said, his tenderness.
I had to do it. I had to know where we stood. I racked my brain trying to think of a neutral way to bring it up without sounding insane. I had an internal emotional battle with myself. Why did I need to know? I don’t need a label. The bottom line is that I was tired of guessing. I wanted to know what he thought about us, if there was potential for anything long-term, and if he wanted a girlfriend.
How do you start a conversation like that? Everything I thought of seemed trite. Finally, I realized I’d chicken out if I didn’t just rip off the bandaid, so I focused on my insecurities. I’m insecure about our age difference and wonder if that will be the ultimate barrier. I also wonder if my being a mom and not wanting more kids is a deterrent for him.
Yesterday morning, out of the blue and while lying in bed between frequent sex sessions, I asked him if our age difference bothered him. He said no, that it’s not even something he thinks about. I then asked if my having kids bothered him. He said no, that he likes my kids. Explaining myself further, I told him that I wondered where we stood and if he sees any long-term potential with me given that he might eventually want to get married and start a family.
He explained. He said he isn’t sure he ever wants to have kids. He said he’s not seeing anyone else. He said he thinks of me as his girlfriend, that he talks about me to other people and refers to me as his girlfriend. Then he said, “You are so special to me. I love being with you.”
Awww. My heart was exploding.
Interestingly, he didn’t ask about my intentions, if I was dating anyone else, or where I thought we stood.
He helped me do the previous night’s dishes, then I made eggs, bacon, toast, and coffee for breakfast. He told me had to leave around noon. I expressed disappointment; he said he had chores to do. When pressed on the issue further, he said he spends so much time talking with people at work that he requires a lot of quiet downtime in his off-hours. Understandable.
But we did agree to set aside 3 specific days/week, including 1 weekend night, in which to see each other. I love knowing I’ll always see him on Mondays, Wednesdays, and either Friday or Saturday night.
I had plans to see Joaquin yesterday afternoon. We were initially planning to go on a hike but would have to make alternate plans due to pouring rain. I wasn’t sure how I was going to bring up Hayden but I knew I wanted to do it in person and I had things to return to him, anyway. He had left a pair of shoes and a jacket at my house the previous week.
Next time: Details of my visit with Joaquin.