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It’s happening. I’m breaking the news to Joaquin as soon as he calls.

He sent me a text last night at 6 pm asking if I could have a phone chat then. I laughed. I had the kids and it was dinner time: A recipe for chaos. Of course I couldn’t chat. I suggested tomorrow night (tonight) instead. He replied, “Can I come see you tomorrow night?” I said sure.

However, I thought he needed to have realistic expectations that our time together tonight isn’t going to be business as usual, i.e. filled with lots of sex. I sent him a text this morning telling him I had something to talk with him about tonight.

He freaked.

Him: Lauren, you know things like this make me worry.

Me: I don’t want you to worry. We can chat on the phone today if you’d rather not wait until tonight. Of course, I still want to see you tonight.

Him: Are you pregnant?

Oh my god.

Me: No!

Him: Ok good

What the fuck?!

Then he wrote a long text saying he has some important things to do today but he’ll text me later when he’s available and we can chat on the phone then.

So now I’m waiting… waiting to break news that may or may not be disturbing to him. I have no idea how he’ll react.

I feel like I’m going to have a nervous breakdown. My heart feels like it’s going to beat out of my chest.

Wish me strength.