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This weekend has not been very happy for me. Hayden came over late on Friday night after his work holiday party, then left immediately after waking up the next morning at 10 am. He was exhausted so we didn’t even get to really talk or reconnect. The next morning I offered to drive him home, as I was going to be in his neighborhood a mere hour later, but he declined. He said he had to gather data for a report that is due on Monday or Tuesday. He estimated it would take 4 or 5 hours.

Side note: We have been dating since early August and I still have not been to his place even once. I have offered to go to his place to make it easier on him, and have offered to drive him home or pick him up on occasion, and he has always declined. He says he doesn’t care to spend time at his place because there’s no common area so we’d have to hang out in his bedroom. And he says he likes coming to my place. Fair enough.

I didn’t hear from him at all yesterday other than responding to a question of mine. I had sent him a text around 11 am telling him I’d be stopping by a grocery store in his neighborhood and asked him if he would like me to pick up anything for him and drop it off. (He had mentioned earlier that he needed to get groceries.) He declined.

I didn’t hear from him last night.

When he left yesterday, he said that he’d come back “early” the next day (today). I don’t know what early means to him but I perhaps erroneously thought it meant morning.

At 11 am this morning, I still hadn’t heard from him so I sent him a text asking if he’d finished his work. He replied, “I’m still working on some of it now.” He asked what my plans with the kids were, and when I told him we were taking it easy today because yesterday was so busy, he said, “Ahh, ok. I am really going through my work slowly.”

Now I’m irritated. What does that mean? Does that mean he doesn’t plan to come over today? Shit, some clear communication here would be helpful.

I was going to send him a text asking what that meant, if it meant he was coming over later or not, and while typing this out before I could respond, he sent a text asking if he could postpone until tomorrow. Oh for fuck’s sake. Even worse, he’s not saying anything about his feelings on the matter… if he’s disappointed because he really wants to see me, etc. I am not getting warm fuzzy feelings here. However, he did ask me to apologize to my daughter because he had promised to play Pictionary with her today.

I don’t mind having a busy boyfriend; that’s not the issue at all. I just would like a little more courtesy with communications. And I want to feel like I’m missed and valued. I feel like he really couldn’t give a fuck whether he sees me or not. I feel like I’m being a nuisance to him. Does he even want to be in a relationship?!

I’m most likely being totally unreasonable. I am pissed because I feel like I deserve better… and I’m pissed that I gave up seeing Joaquin only to be lonely and neglected by my boyfriend.

There, I said it. I’m terrible. And all of this ranting probably sounds really petty.

Things have come to a head. I cannot push my feelings aside any longer. I need an explanation. If he can’t handle it (and I suspect he won’t), it will mean the end of our relationship.

As Geminilvr recommended, I’m writing out my thoughts as “talk points” for an impending discussion with Hayden.

I’m trying to be neutral and not defensive.

  • I’m disappointed about the late holiday party invitation. He invited me 3 days before the party. If he really wanted me to go, why didn’t he give me more notice?
  • I’ve never been to his place and he’s never taken me up on my offers to pick him up or drop him off at his place. He’d rather take Uber. Why?
  • One of my major loves languages is words of affirmation. I need frequent communications – either in person or through texts or phone calls – to feel connected. I don’t feel connected with Hayden in-between visits, which means I need more frequent text or call check-ins. Here’s the thing, though: I don’t think telling him will make any difference. Marty is right: This is who he is and it’s not jiving with who I am.
  • I realize that Hayden is busier than usual with work… but I’ve also noticed a significant difference in his text communications. I wonder: Is it because he’s pre-occupied with work? Or is it because his feelings for me have changed? Or is it a combination of the two?

These are major talk points and they might be devastating to mention all at once. Thoughts?

I just cannot believe that I’m having these issues immediately after becoming exclusive. Oh, the irony.