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My divorce is final. I received notification yesterday in-between New Year’s Eve festivities with Hayden. I had been expecting to receive word all month… and, as a result, it’s hard to explain why I felt like I’d been punched in the gut when I saw it.

There, on the first page of the legal documents, was the box marked “dissolution”. My marriage had been dissolved. Just typing that out makes me cry all over again. A wedding is a momentous and happy occasion. A divorce is also momentous but not so happy. It signifies failure.

After opening the mail, I hurried to the kitchen and started to uncontrollably sob while Hayden used the bathroom. I wiped my tears and tried to look normal by the time he joined me. I showed him the documents and told him that my divorce was now final. He said, “Congratulations….? That’s good, right?” He must have seen the look of anguish on my face, then asked, “How do you feel about that?” I told him I was both happy and sad. That’s all I could say. I would have lost my shit had I tried to articulate how I was feeling. He said simply, “That’s understandable” and gave me a hug.

I enter 2017 as a divorced woman. Not single, married, or separated… but divorced. It’s a new marital status for me.

I spent much of today in tears. Hayden left this morning after breakfast. I now have a lovely cold so I’ve been lounging around trying to rest up and recuperate before I get the kids later tonight.

Hayden and I had a fantastic New Year’s Eve and day together. We saw the awesome movie La La Land in a fancy movie theater while sipping cocktails and eating burgers. It’s the best movie I’ve seen in a long time… happy, sweet, and sad. A romantic modern day pseudo-musical set in Los Angeles with detailed nuances that set it apart from other movies of its kind.

On our way to a Peruvian restaurant for dinner, we stopped by Mars’ house bearing sparkling cider and candy and had an early New Year’s Eve toast with the kids.

After dinner, we had some time to kill before midnight so we opted to watch the movie Singles. One of my favorites! It was my early-20s anthem and Hayden had never seen it. After the movie, we bundled up and hiked to my neighborhood lookout point to watch the midnight fireworks with a jovial crowd. A nice stranger offered to take a photo of both of us – it turned out really sweet.

While waiting for the 2017 countdown, Hayden told me he loved me. Aww.

Today also marks 2 years since I started this blog. Happy 2 Year Anniversary, Back In Stilettos Again!

May our wildest dreams come true in 2017.  xoxoxo