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As is typical for me, I can’t listen to my standard music playlists when I’m heartbroken.

As if by magic, I discovered a new band 2 days after my breakup with Hayden. They’re an English synthpop band called La Roux. Their music has cheered me up. Favorites include Uptight Downtown, Kiss & Not Tell, and Let Me Down Gently.

And I also discovered Catch & Release by Silversun Pickups. It’s a gorgeous song with breathtaking guitar and violin. I’m obsessed.

Surprise, surprise. Hayden replied to my text today. It basically just said a big bunch of nothing. Proof:

Thank you, Lauren. I wasn’t sure how to respond to this but I’m glad you sent it. You’re probably right about me, I do have a bit going on, more than perhaps I know. But I’m doing okay for the most part I think.

Um… what?! So he thinks he’s doing okay and he probably does have a lot of baggage. And it’s obvious he doesn’t want to discuss.

My date last night went well. We really hit it off, which took me by surprise. We had great, easy conversation. We were touchy. We walked with our arms around each other from the first bar to the second bar. We made out.

He wanted to go further but I just couldn’t go there. I’m not ready. And then I felt guilty, like I shouldn’t have agreed to go out with him until I was emotionally ready. It wasn’t fair to him and it was awkward for me.

I didn’t want to have sex with him while thinking of Hayden… and that’s what would have happened.

He sent me a short & sweet text today telling me he had fun and that he hopes to see me again soon.