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I’m finding it strange that I fell in love with two guys at the same point in time who both struggled with substance abuse. What does this mean? Does it simply mean I’m now attracted to the sensitive, bleeding heart types or is there something deeper to explore?

Does it mean I want to fix them? Was that what I needed only at that point in time?

I loved Joaquin’s emotional depth and honesty. I loved Hayden’s sweet, simple kindness and stability… only to learn his stability was a sham. He was repressed.

I ultimately chose the one who was repressed. I erroneously believed simple meant stable. I think there’s a lesson for me here. I just don’t know what it is yet.

They appeared to be complete opposites yet turned out to be uncannily similar. This still blows my mind.

No person is perfect… but I loved them despite their flaws. Joaquin drove me crazy with his tardiness, his inability to commit to seeing me more than 1x/week, and his repeated comings-and-goings into my house late at night to smoke outside. Hayden wasn’t free of flaws, either. I sensed he wasn’t being completely transparent with me (I was right) and he sometimes didn’t follow through on his word. Let’s not forget the excessive drinking.

As I enter the next phase of my dating adventures, I’m keeping this in mind. Will I once again be drawn to the complicated types?

I want transparency and emotional honesty. I want complex, but not overly complicated.

I’m eager to see how this will pan out.

My date and I canceled last night’s museum event. I was tired and headachy; his back was aching from serious physical work and said standing was painful. We’ll try again in a couple weeks.

I had another brief video chat last night with science teacher from England. He is a beautiful specimen: Tall, cut, gorgeous blue eyes, and nice smile with dimples. All with an English accent.

He said he’d call again after his soccer game but it was too late by then. I went to bed early and didn’t hear his text come through. We have plans for Sunday afternoon. But… this morning via text he invited me over to his house for our first date. Um, hello?! No way in hell. I was taken aback. I told him I’d rather to meet in a bar or coffee shop to assess our chemistry. He said that was no problem at all.

Surprisingly, Hayden did not call last night to chat as promised. I was only mildly annoyed.

The Blond Mandarin and I are going to see each other tomorrow night. He invited me over to watch a movie while snuggling under the covers. Yes, please. I need some physical touch and he’s an incredible cuddler so why not? It sounds like a Seattle job offer is imminent so I need to get in as much time with him as possible.

I don’t have plans for tonight and I’m thrilled about it. I am finding I don’t like making first date plans for weekend nights and the weather has been yuck anyway. I plan to cozy up on my couch with one of my favorite persons, Myself.