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I sent AGD a sweet text this morning just before 9 am. I told him that as I hopped into an Uber last night on my way home from a friend’s birthday party, a song he’d been telling me about was playing on the radio and that I thought of him. Then I told him I had a fabulous time on Friday night.

Silence.

It’s been 8 hours and he still hasn’t replied. No worries, I thought. He’s probably doing some intense yard work. Or he’s on a date. Or he’s with friends. Or he’s with his kids. Whatever.

But then I noticed that he deleted his OK Cupid profile this afternoon. It was still active this morning. We were both online at the same time before I sent the text.

This means that he’s definitely seen my text if he’s been on a computer or on his phone to deactivate his profile.

I am distraught and fighting back tears. I really liked him. I liked him possibly too much for only having gone out with him twice. He was age-appropriate, a gentleman, creative, smart, successful, attractive, polite, friendly, great at cuddling…all things I’m ultimately looking for in a partner.

But, he’s not interested in me for some reason or another. Maybe I’m not his type. Maybe I said something or did something that disappointed him. Maybe he needs someone more Stepford, more demure, less excitable, less passionate. Who the hell knows.

The hurt I’m feeling reminds me of the Clark debacle. How did I misread him?!

I don’t know why men in their 40s or early 50s don’t want to go out with me more than once. Yes, AGD went out with me twice but that’s possibly only because I came on too strong and pushed for it. Maybe he was being polite. Texas and I obviously went out more than once and then had a relationship but that feels like a lifetime ago. Maybe that was a fluke.

Here’s my theory. I could be completely wrong but I do have some insecurity associated with it:

I feel inadequate. Men in their 40s have their shit together even if they are divorced with kids. They make much more than I do. They live in nicer homes. They drive nicer cars.

20-somethings and 30-somethings, however, think I have my shit together because I have more than they have. I live alone (half the time) in a house, I have kids, I have a great job, I have a car. They, on the other hand, have just one (if that): a great job. Maybe they admire and respect me because they want what I have. Maybe I represent stability and responsibility.

I can’t impress 40-somethings. I don’t have anything they don’t already have. There’s nothing I can offer them other than companionship and love.

And maybe that’s not enough for the jaded 40-somethings.

Now I just need to sit back and wait for his “I’m sorry but I didn’t feel a connection” text he’s simply procrastinating on sending.

I don’t understand why this tends to happens only with the guys I’m overly excited about. This sucks.

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