Based upon my extensive experience as a free OK Cupid user (as opposed to their premium paid “A-List” user), I have specific tips on how to improve success.

Paid A-List member benefits include the ability to browse profiles invisibly, see who has “liked” you, and see when a user reads your messages. See the full list of A-List member benefits here. I’ll admit that it would be handy to be able to browse invisibly, especially when I want to stalk someone’s profile without them noticing (*cough* Hayden *cough* Joaquin), but I don’t want it badly enough to pay for it.

Jill pays for a membership. She wanted to be incognito because she doesn’t want to deal with unwanted attention.

However, for a woman, I believe being visible is the key to success. Ignore and/or delete unwanted messages. No biggie.

Tip #1: As a woman, do not send the first message

I have never had success sending the first message. 99% of them are ignored so I’ve simply stopped doing it.

I let the guy reach out first. (Yes, the feminist in me cringed while typing that out.)

An important note: Even if a guy likes you back, don’t reach out first! I haven’t had success sending the first message even after we’ve mutually liked each other. It’s ridiculous but true.

Tip #2: Interact regularly with the site, either online or on the app

The other tip for success is to spend some time regularly interacting with the site. Make tweaks to your profile. Swipe left (pass) or right (“like”) on profiles and actually click through to the profiles you might be interested in. Remember, visiting the profile lets the profile owner know you exist. They’ll in turn visit your site and will send a message if they’re interested.

Also, I seem to have the most visits to my profile during and immediately after I’ve been active on the site. Other users want to know you’re an active user. If you’ve been offline for several days, they’re less likely to send a message.

What tips can you add?