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Well, it happened. Hayden and I had sex on Monday night after The Bachelor. An hour of ecstasy.

It was intense, passionate, and so very awesome. God, how I had missed that! It was like old times. Plenty of electric kisses. He liberally called me Baby and repeatedly told me that I felt so fucking amazing. And he did, too. It was even better than I remembered.

Afterward, while propped on an elbow, he looked at me hesitantly. I thought to myself, ‘Here it goes… he’s going to break some bad news, like he can’t see me anymore or that this was a mistake.’

Instead, he said, “I can’t stay overnight. I didn’t bring any overnight stuff with me.” I had to stifle a laugh. I told him that I would have been more concerned had he actually brought an overnight bag.

As he left, he told me he’d be back next week. Yesterday he sent me a text thanking me for having him over the night before. He hadn’t before sent me a thank you message the day after watching The Bachelor with us – I found it sweet but a little odd.

I have no regrets. In fact, this might be the ideal set-up if it’s going to be a regular thing. I can enjoy having sex regularly with Hayden and also date other people. This could be an ideal FWB arrangement.

Last week I wasn’t ready to resume physical intimacy with Hayden. This week I was. A lot can change in one week. It helps to realize that I didn’t feel entirely emotionally fulfilled in a relationship with Hayden. He was simply unable or unwilling to fulfill my major love languages like quality time and words of affirmation. (He was incredible at my most important, though: physical touch.)

Someone asked me a couple weeks ago if I would try a relationship with Hayden again if he came back and wanted to make it work. I can say with certainty now that the only way I’d consider that is if he was willing to make some changes, as unlikely as that is.

I think dating is the best thing for me for now.

Speaking of dating, I have a first date every night for the next 4 nights, beginning tonight. I am really looking forward to meeting tonight’s date. Time and venue TBD later today.