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Even though I was only in Mexico for 5 days, it felt like an eternity had passed.

Hayden and I had arranged to see each other the day after I returned. By that point, it had been 11 days since we’d seen each other… the second longest stretches since we met last summer.

He arrived at 7 pm on Friday night. It was good to see him. We played a couple games of Clue with my daughter. She adores Hayden and wouldn’t leave him alone, constantly seeking attention from him. She asked him if he could stay the night. He fumbled over his words and said, “I don’t know. We’ll see.” My daughter tried to sweeten the deal by telling him we could have breakfast together. I said I’d make pancakes; Hayden said he’d help. Oh, so was he going to stay the night? It was a Friday night and he didn’t have his usual ‘be at work early the next morning’ excuse. It might actually happen… and I was looking forward to the overnight snuggles.

Hayden was unusually handsy and kissy. We had a quickie in the bathroom with the door locked. Then, once my daughter was in bed and my son was taking a bath, we retreated to the bedroom and had sex over and over again for the next hour. It was awesome. He came twice; I came once. He was very vocal as usual but said something new: “Having sex with you is the best thing in the world.”

I didn’t know how to take that.

We enjoyed some post-coital snuggles. Suddenly, I was sad. I remembered a comment my good friend’s husband had made earlier that day. He’d just returned from a 2 week business trip in London. When I asked him how his trip was, he said, “It was great, but I missed the shit out of her” as he looked toward my friend. They have been married 15 years and are still very much in love like newlyweds. He posts sweet things on Facebook about her often… something I normally find cheesy but not when it comes to them. It’s a relationship I aspire to have someday.

I want someone to miss the shit out of me when I go away. Hayden missed me, as he told me over the phone when I was in the hospital in Mexico, but he certainly didn’t “miss the shit out of me” nor is he good at expressing his feelings. I honestly have no idea what he thinks. And that right there is the problem.

Hayden has proven that he’s incapable of providing what I need. As much as I love him, he’s not he right guy for me.

I told Hayden I had to get up and check on my son. He’ll stay in the bath for hours – and up all night – if I don’t watch him like a hawk. Hayden got up and started getting dressed, saying he had to get going anyway. At 11 pm on a Friday night? Really?

I was slightly disappointed but not terribly so. I’ll admit I was looking forward to sleeping in my bed alone and returning Tinder messages.

He asked if he could come back on Sunday. He said, “That’s only the day after tomorrow.” I said sure but also can’t help wondering what the hell is going on here.

I know that when I start seeing someone exclusively, I’ll have to say goodbye to having sex with Hayden. I vacillate between thinking I should inform him that I’m dating other people and thinking it’s none of his business. Hayden has made a point on two separate occasions to tell me that he’s not dating anyone, yet hasn’t asked about my dating status.

I suspect he thinks I’m not dating.

Until I sort out what I should do, I’m not saying anything. He’s expected to arrive within the next half-hour.

I had some text contact while in Mexico and since I’ve returned with Tennessee, Luke/the Professor, and Piano Guy. Luke, the one who was most promising, has disappointed the most. He’s very unresponsive to texts. When I texted him yesterday asking him if we were still planning to see each other on Wednesday as we had scheduled nearly 2 weeks ago, he replied today that Wednesday doesn’t work for him… but he did suggest two alternate dates.

I am unimpressed.

Tennessee is leaving for Austin on Tuesday morning so we won’t see each other again until next week at the earliest.

Piano Guy hasn’t reached out since I’ve returned. Eh, next! He was too young anyway.

I do have a 1st date on Thursday night, though. His profile said, “Looking for someone to see La La Land with.” I told him that I loved it and would absolutely see it again, and that I was looking for someone to see Moonlight with. He responded with, “I’m your guy.” I like him already.

And I still need to write about Tindering while in Mexico. That’s coming soon!

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