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It’s become clear that I’ll need to tell Hayden that I’m dating. Things feel different with him.

Hayden arrived yesterday at 3 pm. We immediately made soap from a soap kit my daughter received for her birthday last month. Hayden chose to make a red fairy-shaped soap. I made a red heart-shaped soap. My daughter made a green fairy-shaped soap. All were rose scented.

Hayden and I sipped New Zealand sauvignon blanc. He was very affectionate and lovey, constantly kissing me and touching me.

Hayden made a deal with my daughter and told her if she cleaned her bedroom, he’d play two games of Clue with her. She was excited by the offer! While she happily retreated to her bedroom, Hayden and I locked ourselves in the bathroom for a quickie.

The way he looked at me was different: Intense and all-encompassing.

We played two games of Clue, then went on a neighborhood hike because the weather was so gorgeous. Before we left for the hike, I asked Hayden how long he planned on staying because I was considering taking the kids out for Italian food and that he was welcome to join us. He said he wasn’t in a hurry to leave and would love to join us for dinner.

I was surprised when he grabbed his duffel bag to take with him on the hike. I told him he didn’t need it since we’d come back to my place before heading out to dinner. He insisted, saying he might need his jacket.

I later learned why he wanted to bring it: When we got to the look-out park and sat down to enjoy the view, he pulled a small half-full bottle of Bacardi rum from his bag, took a swig, and offered me some as well. I thought it was odd but agreed to a sip.

Next time I glanced, the bottle was empty. I was perplexed. In hindsight, I wonder if he always carries booze with him and takes swigs when I’m not looking.

Back at the house, we told my daughter we needed a few minutes to lie down and “take a nap” and instead had hot, passionate sex for about 30 minutes. Hayden wanted to go on for longer – as did I, of course – but I told him our absence would be missed and my daughter would start inquiring. Sure enough, as soon as I started to put my clothes back on, my daughter was outside the door asking questions.

We walked to the restaurant hand-in-hand. We looked and acted like a couple. I wonder if this is confusing to my kids.

All four of us had a very sweet dinner together. Hayden and I were were very affectionate the whole time. At one point, I repeatedly tried whispering into Hayden’s ear how deliciously sore I was and he kept kissing me whenever I got close instead.

He offered to pay for dinner but I wouldn’t hear of it. He eventually agreed to split the bill in half… still very generous.

He left for home from the restaurant. Before he left, he said he’d like to see me on Tuesday night. I actually didn’t already have a date planned that night so I said yes. It looks like he’s making a pattern of seeing me every-other-day, just like he did when we were a couple. Again, I’m not sure what to make of this.

It looks like we’ll need to have a discussion tomorrow night. I’m dreading it because I know it won’t end well. How can it? He’s incapable of providing what I need so I need to pursue it elsewhere… yet he wants to enjoy a pseudo-relationship.

I am happy keeping things as they are with him as long as he knows I am ultimately seeking romance with someone else.

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