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There’s a dude I’ve been talking with for over 2 years who I still haven’t met. I feel like I’m being bread crumbed.

According to Urban Dictionary, the definition of bread crumbing is when someone provides just enough attention to keep hopes of a relationship alive.

We met in fall 2014 on OK Cupid then soon moved to being Facebook friends. He is stunningly attractive. He has all-American good looks (despite being from Holland) and an incredible smile complete with dimples. Even worse (better?), he’s completely my type: creative and professionally successful. He is a partner in an international equities firm and is a stunning painter. His paintings remind me of a cross between Renoir’s and Monet’s.

The only thing not a great fit is that he is sexually very kinky and I’m pretty sure he’s bisexual. He sometimes dates married couples. When he told me of a recent date he was nervous about with a new couple, I asked him if he ever has non-sex dates with romance in mind and he said, “yes, with single women.”

I thought: Am I chopped liver?!

We’ve had some lengthy discussions but they’re few and far between. Conversations are always very friendly, polite, and respectful and have sometimes gotten emotionally intimate. No sexting, of course. He is always the one to reach out and makes contact first… probably averaging every 1-4 months.

I’ve even flat-out asked him to meet up before and he’s always had an excuse. More recently, when he reached out yet again after I returned from my Mexico trip, I told him, “We’ve been talking for over 2 years. I think it’s time we finally meet….” He agreed. But there’s been no talk of an actual date.

He claims he’s shy. I don’t want to put my foot down and tell him to stop contacting me because I do enjoy talking with him. However, I no longer have any hope of meeting him. Occasional contact with him and for so long completely goes against my current rules of having a pen pal -only relationship. We’d already established a written relationship by the time my rule was in effect, though.

In a surprising turn of events, yesterday I reached out to that playwright and director from my distant past who I mentioned here. I had gotten a “people you may know” suggestion on Facebook of someone with his exact name… but it wasn’t him. I thought: Huh. Why had I not thought to check Facebook for him before?! I did a Facebook search for him and, bingo, his profile came up!

I sent him a quick message asking him if he remembered me, telling him we’d met way back during our university days because we’d had both Computer Science and Anthropology together. He responded quickly saying, “Of course I remember you. Since you’re also in San Francisco, we should catch up over coffee.” He sent a friend request soon after that and I was shocked to see that many of my cousin’s close friends are friends with him. Alas, he doesn’t know my cousin.

This is unchartered territory for me. I haven’t met up with anyone from my very distant past before! But I’m really looking forward to seeing him. No date set yet but I’ll keep you posted as events unfold.

Hayden came over last night. It was very much like old times: watching TV, drinking beer, and having lots of tender sex. I accidentally got a little too aggressive and hurt his lip twice. I think he got a little exasperated when it happened a second time and I felt horrible. When I apologized for it yet again, he said, “I think you’re more upset about it than I am. It doesn’t hurt anymore.”

I did end up canceling my date with Piano Guy. He didn’t make a big deal of it… and he didn’t suggest rescheduling.

Tonight is date #2 with Tennessee. We’re meeting for dinner at a Latin restaurant well-known for their sangria. I can’t wait to see him again! He sent a cute text a couple hours ago saying, “Ready for sangria?!”

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