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Hayden, my daughter, and I had fun hiking yesterday. My son decided not to go. He’s now at the age where spending time with his friends is more important. It makes me a little sad and wistful because I know it’s just the beginning… and I already miss him.

Hayden left within an hour after we returned back to my place but not until after we had quick, passionate sex. Then he said, “I can come back on Tuesday. Are you free?” I knew I had a date but told him I’d have to check. I hadn’t heard from my date in a few days so I wasn’t sure if we were still on.

My date checked in this afternoon. So, yes, it’s still a go… but I am having second thoughts. I looked again at his profile and am not really attracted to him. I suspected I swiped right on his Tinder profile because he has a nice smile. Oh dear. Now I’m in the awkward predicament of either canceling or begrudgingly going on the date.

I don’t even know what I would say to gracefully get out of it but I do know I need to make a decision soon.

A couple nights ago I re-read several old blog entries, including the entry about my first date with Hayden last August. I find it really interesting that he stayed overnight at my place from day 1 considering he’s so averse to it now. I suspect there’s either some psychological or logistical reason behind it. If I weren’t such a crazy over-thinker, I’d just come right out and ask him. I don’t ask because I feel like it’s inappropriate and it doesn’t really matter anyway.

It baffles me that I believe I have to guard my thoughts so carefully. I feel like it would be weird for me to ask him only because I’ve overthought it so much! Technically, it’s not inappropriate – it would be a normal conversation topic for anyone else. I wish it was normal for me.

I was also enlightened by reading that I suspected our personality differences would probably make us incompatible in the long run. I was right.

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