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Feel free to scold me. On Monday afternoon, as I was driving home from work, something triggered a memory of Joaquin. I missed him.

So what did I do? I sent him a short text that simply said “I miss you.”

I know.

I thought it through carefully before sending. I didn’t care if I received a response. I was just going to throw it out there as a thought captured in time.

As I opened our text history, I saw that the last time we’d been in contact was in mid January. 4 fucking months ago. He had promised he’d reach out to me after his bar exam in late February. We all know that didn’t happen. I matched with him on Tinder in mid March, then he unmatched me a mere hours later without a word.

I don’t know what his story is… but I don’t think he’s being malicious. There would be no reason for him to think bad thoughts of me.

I still haven’t received a reply. I don’t expect to, and that’s okay.

The biggest news of this post is that I saw Racer X both Monday night and last night. It was fantastic seeing him. Last time we saw each other was exactly one year ago.

On Monday night, he arrived at my place with beer at 6 pm. We ordered pizza, drank beer, and caught up a little. I played the This is Spoon Spotify list. We didn’t get much privacy because my daughter was nearly hanging off him. She wanted so badly to play Clue with him but, being that he’d had a long flight and had come directly from the airport, I discouraged it. I’m sure he just wanted to relax. My son told her, “Stop bugging him! Clue is a Hayden activity.”

Racer X was smitten with my daughter. He said, “She’s such a cutie.” We talked music. He was impressed my daughter’s favorite song is Love Cats by The Cure. My son spent most of the time in his bedroom, as he usually does, on his new phone playing games and texting with friends.

Racer X left at 8 pm to head to his hotel in the far east bay. He had at least another hour of travel to get to his destination, and he was on east coast time plus had a long day the next day.

I gave him a hug and a kiss goodbye and told him I’d see him the next night.

Last night, we met up at his hotel in San Francisco after his all-day training followed by a dinner with colleagues. I expected him to cancel, as I’m sure he was probably exhausted. But he didn’t.

I arrived at his hotel near SFO at 10 pm. He had just emerged from the shower and was wearing only a towel. I set my things down, we exchanged a few pleasantries, then we immediately got down to business.

Racer X loves giving oral sex and took his sweet time making sure I was satisfied. I came four times from a combination of his tongue and fingers. I continually told him I wanted him inside me but he said he wasn’t finished pleasing me yet. Finally, he succumbed and plunged into me. He climaxed quickly.

I mentioned in my post from last year that I was surprised he wears Magnum condoms. This time I wanted to more carefully assess the situation and, yep, just as I previously thought: He’s not Magnum material. It was confirmed. I’m not saying this to be rude; it’s reality. He is slightly larger than average but does not have a large cock by any stretch of the imagination.

Still, it was awesome. I’m not complaining!

By this time it was 11 and Racer X had to wake up at 4 am to catch his flight. We knew we needed to get to sleep quickly.

I also knew there wasn’t going to be any middle-of-the-night sex or morning sex. Boo.

We enjoyed some pillow talk before dozing off. I was dismayed to find he’s not really the cuddling type. I asked him about his love language. He’d never heard the expression before. After I explained the concept and each love language, he said, “I don’t have a love language.”

I was surprised. I asked, “Really? How would your ideal partner show she cares?” He said, “I don’t know. I just want to be left alone” and laughed. He further explained that he’s always busy with one thing or another and likes keeping busy. I responded, “So maybe Acts of Service? She would do errands for you so you have more time for your projects….?” He agreed that it sounded like the best option but he still wasn’t convinced.

Neither of us slept very well. I woke up probably around 2 am freezing my ass off. The AC and/or fan was cranked up for some unexplicable reason and there was only a thin comforter on the bed. I also had an allergy attack.

At 4 am, Racer X got up and gathered his belongings while I laid in bed groggily talking with him. He said his goodbyes at 4:15. I walked him to the door and gave him a hug and kiss goodbye.

I crawled back into bed but couldn’t fall asleep. I had a headache from the too-cushy hotel pillows. (I need a firm pillow.)

20 minutes later, I got up and decided to head home so I could get a couple more hours of sleep in my own bed. As I was double-checking to make sure I wasn’t leaving anything in the hotel room, I checked the thermostat because it still felt cold. 66 degrees! No wonder I was freezing my ass of earlier – I suspect it must have been around 60 degrees.

Once at home and after taking a couple ibuprofen, allergy medication, and brushing my teeth (I had accidentally grabbed my son’s toothbrush in my rush out of the house earlier to see Racer X), I climbed into my own bed and successfully grabbed another couple hours of sleep.

All considered, I’m feeling pretty good today!

I had a telephone meeting with the matchmaking company today. I was disappointed to find it was basically a sales pitch. I admit that the service sounds very appealing. I was thinking I might be interested and estimated that their 3 month service was probably just under $1,000. Nope.

$4,200. I stifled a scream.

I told her even a 3 month membership wasn’t in my budget at this time. I reiterated that I’m a single mom and only interested in their free service at this time, i.e. being considered as a match for their paid clients.

She told me not to expect much, as they work with only a handful of clients at a time and that half of those are women. Of the remaining, another half would be outside my desired age range. I knew not to expect much.

I probably won’t hear from them again. In the meantime, I’m going to fill out the list of questions they sent me for inclusion in their matching database. I may as well.

Online dating is the pits right now. OK Cupid messages trickle in but are not piquing my interest. My Tinder matches are quiet.

I’m seeing Hayden tonight. He wanted to see me Monday night or last night but I told him I already had plans. He offered to bring over meat to cook but I told him I have absolutely nothing to pair with it. I’m overdue for grocery shopping.

We’re going out to eat instead.

Last time I saw Hayden, I could have sworn I saw Tinder installed on his phone…. which means I’m outside his desired age range because I haven’t seen his profile. This is to be expected. I know he eventually wants kids so it’s not surprising he should be looking at women in their 20s and 30s. Still, I doubt he’s dating or he wouldn’t continue to message me asking to see me every 2-3 days like when we were still in a relationship.

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