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Well well well. Irish Spaniard never contacted me about our 2nd date – a Marin hike – today. I was going to reschedule, anyway, because I still had errands and chores to do that I didn’t complete yesterday. Yesterday and most of today came and went without a peep from him.

I haven’t heard from him since Friday when we had a brief text exchange. He sent a late morning text that simply said, “Hi!” I responded back and told him I hoped he wasn’t too tired from keeping him out past his bedtime. He responded with, “I’m a little tired this morning but it was well worth it.” I responded with a smiley face.

Nothing since. It’s now 4:30 pm.

I don’t know what to make of this. Honestly, though, I’m not too bent out of shape. We had one date. I don’t know him.

Or maybe he didn’t like it when I told him during our date I was a rare Avoidant-Anxious type. Haha. Sometimes I say too much. What can I say? I was really comfortable with him.

Hayden came over yesterday afternoon. We sat on the neighborhood steps watching the ocean for a while before heading out to dinner at a neighborhood restaurant that has a rooftop dining area. The weather was gorgeous so we planned to sit outside.

While driving to dinner, he asked how my Thursday and Friday was. I told him I was sick on Friday but was feeling a lot better. I told him that my period was also really late and that friends urged me to take a pregnancy test.


“Well, hello?! Of course it was negative. I would have told you immediately if it was positive….”

I told him we need to find a more reliable form of birth control. He asked if I was open to birth control pills. I told him I wasn’t. I’d been there, done that for 17 years.

So he said condoms it was… and that we should buy stock because we’ll be spending about $100/month just on condoms. Yes, we will.

We had a really nice dinner. He was extremely affectionate: grabbing my hand across the table and kissing it repeatedly. He kept calling me “sexy” – something he’d never done before.

When I told him I hadn’t gotten any sleep the night prior partly because a pack of men were roaming my street at 2 in the morning and arguing, he joked, “I know what they were arguing about. They were arguing about who got to date you.”


He was very intense all evening. Back at home, we ripped each other’s clothes off and then he asked, “Can we try something different?”

He wanted to try anal sex. Whoa.

I told him we could try but that we probably wouldn’t be successful the first time… and I wanted him inside me vaginally first.

We had sex over and over again within the next hour-and-a-half. We tried anal twice but only got about halfway both times before it became painful for me. He came twice. I came three times.

We took a break and watched the season finale of Walking Dead. By then it was 11 pm and I was exhausted. We started to watch Sherlock but I was dozing off 10 minutes into it. I told him he could stay up and watch it but he said he wanted to go to bed and cuddle with me. Awww.

I told him not to fall asleep while I was washing my face and brushing my teeth. Shockingly, he didn’t! (This is a first.)

For the life of me, I can’t remember how we got on the topic… but while snuggling and nuzzling we talked about what would have happened if I had been pregnant. He said, “I would support whatever you wanted.”

Me: “But what do you want?”

Him: “You’re asking what I want?”

Me: “Yes.”

Him: “If you wanted to keep the baby, I would be happy. I would love to parent with you. We would raise the baby together. Do you want any more kids?”

Me: “Yes and no. If I were younger, I would absolutely love to have another. But at my age, I would be in my 60s before he or she is 19. I wouldn’t be able to do it alone.”

Him: “No. I would help you!”

Me: “It’s something we can discuss further. But I think it would be an odd thing to talk about considering you’re not even my boyfriend.”

Him: “There is no one I would rather be a boyfriend to but you.”

(What the fuck?! What does this even mean?)

Me: “Do you remember breaking up with me?”

Him: “Yes, of course. I regret it. It was a mistake.”

Me: “Why do you say that?”

Him: “Because I love you.”

Me: “You said my age and our life stages differences bothered you.”

Him: “I know. It did. It doesn’t anymore. I just love spending time with you. I want to be with you.”

Me: “I don’t know if I can trust you again. Things were going so well and you told me you weren’t happy. You weren’t being honest with me about having second thoughts. You gave no indication that you were going to break up with me. I need you to be more open with me.”

Him: “I’m not trying to keep anything from you. I’m not hiding anything.”

Me: “I know you’re not trying to hide anything from me… I just think you’re not sharing your feelings. Can you try to be more open?”

Him: “Yes, of course.”

I told him I loved him and loved spending time with him. We kissed tenderly… then passionately… then it was clear we were headed toward sex again.

He said, “I want to cum inside you.”

I agreed. For the record, he didn’t. He didn’t cum at all then.

He pulled out both times we had sex this morning.

I discovered this afternoon that the withdrawal method is 96% effective when used perfectly. When not used perfectly, it is 74% effective. Source: Planned Parenthood 

I think that’s a pretty good efficacy rate. Sure, I could increase my protection another 2% by using hormonal birth control or a non-hormonal IUD but the side effects are not something I’m willing to try again right now. I may reconsider, though.

Hayden left at 9 this morning. While gathering his belongings, he said, “It was really nice spending most of the weekend with you.” I replied, “Most of the weekend?! You came over at 4:30 last night and are leaving at 9 am….”

We didn’t have the exclusivity talk. I think we’ll need to do that soon.

In the meantime, I’m still a single woman. I’m not going to pursue new prospects… but I will continue dating men I already know. (Honestly, there are not many still in the game.)