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I’m slowly getting back into the swing of things since returning from Lake Tahoe with my family for the holiday weekend. I’ve been exhausted.

My period finally started yesterday… 15 days late. Yay! It’s heavy… heavier than usual. I’ll just leave it at that.

My hormones were apparently screwed up. I didn’t sleep well for those 15 days. I’d wake repeatedly and then be awake for good at 5:30 or 6:00. It was maddening.

Last night was the first time in 2 weeks I slept well. It was glorious.

Hayden came over on Monday night soon after I returned from Tahoe. He was slurring his words and acting a little clumsy.

I asked, “Are you okay? You’re slurring your words.”

Him: “I think I’m okay.”

Me: “What does that mean? Are you okay??!”

Him: “I drank a couple pints of vodka this morning.”

Holy shit. He was not okay.

I was not happy.

And yet… he had a meticulously shaven face. I marveled at how he’d been able to expertly shave with a razor without cutting himself all to hell. How was this possible?

Thank god I didn’t have my kids that night. They are staying with my mom this week.

Hayden stayed for 4 hours and we did nothing but have sex over and over again. Because he was intoxicated, his erection wasn’t strong and sex was a little difficult. Let’s just say it was like trying to push an oyster through a coin slot.

I have several tiny pinhead size blisters on my upper lip. I wanted to suck his cock badly but told him it wasn’t a good idea due to the blisters. He said he didn’t care. I told him no, it really wasn’t a good idea. He insisted. I gave him a blow job for a short time while wondering what other errors in judgment he makes while intoxicated. Is he reckless sexually… and with other women?

Yesterday I realized my blisters are cold sores. Not a reaction to mango as I was hoping. My lips feel like they are on fire. It’s so painful and miserable.

Fuck. I hope I didn’t infect Hayden. Oh god. I will be horrified if I gave him cold sores or, worse, genital herpes. (Is that even possible? My Google research isn’t clear.)

The whole experience was a train wreck. After he left, I mused about what to do about our friendship. He obviously did have a drinking problem. His only saving grace is that he is a sweet drunk. Still, it’s not fun to be around and I can’t let him be like that around my kids.

I knew I’d have to have a serious talk with him next time I saw him.

Yesterday morning as I was driving to work, Hayden sent me a text that said: “Thanks for having me over last night… ugh I am going to stop drinking… this is no fun.”

I responded, and we had extensive text conversation. I told him that I’d looked up that a pint is 16 oz, which translates into him having the equivalent of 16 shots of vodka on Monday morning. I told him I was worried about him.

He said he was worried, too, and that he just wants to stop.

I knew I had to proceed carefully. I asked if he needed help. He said he didn’t know. He was doing fine but Monday was bad. He said he’d do better.

I told him first step was probably seeing a doctor to assess if he has any chronic long-term health issues like anxiety. Everyone I know who’s had issues with substance abuse has become an addict by self-medicating.

He said that was a good idea.

I told him I was starting a new eating plan and that he was welcome to join me. I told him that I won’t keep alcohol at my place anymore and won’t be offering him drinks.

I told him I love him.

He responded that he loves me too and thanked me for my support. He said, “It’s hard to express how much I appreciate it.”

I told him I know I can’t help him and am scared by the thought, that he needs to help himself, and he has too many good things going for him to throw it all away.

He agreed.

I hope he’s getting serious about this. I suspect he is because it’s the first time he’s admitted he has a problem.

As I was driving home from work yesterday, I am pretty sure I received a text from Joaquin. The text said: “Hi – this is Joaquin. My new number. How are you?”

His new number has an Atlanta, GA area code. Huh?! I didn’t know what to think of this. Could it really be Joaquin? I wasn’t convinced.

I responded: “Joaquin who? I don’t know anyone in Atlanta”

I have yet to receive a reply nearly 24 hours later. If it really is him, maybe he thought my reply was rude and abrupt?

I had a 2nd date scheduled tonight with Irish Spaniard but had to cancel because I’ve had a horrendous headache since this morning. And I’m just not convinced I’m feeling it anymore.

Since we scheduled this date over a week ago, I haven’t heard from him at all. This rubs me the wrong way. I wasn’t convinced he was interested. Until I canceled tonight’s date.

He got all gushy saying he really enjoyed meeting me, was excited to see me again, and hoped that I felt the same. Really?!

He said: “When are you available next? I don’t know if I can wait too much longer to see you again.”

And: “I’d also like to invite you over to my place sometime. I can cook you dinner. You can spend the night.”

Whoa. He asked if he went too far. I told him no. But, in all honestly, I replied, “I will admit that I wonder how this will work considering we live so far from each other.”

He explained, “I have no problem driving into San Francisco. None whatsoever.”

Frankly, I was a little surprised he felt so strongly considering I hadn’t heard from him in several days.

I’ll reschedule our 2nd date.