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I texted Lola yesterday afternoon to let her know that her husband had contacted me. She responded saying that she had asked her husband to stop calling her friends. He told her he wouldn’t stop contacting them until she agreed to go to marriage counseling with her and agree to stop seeing her lover. (He also told her that talking to her friends has been helping him process the pain.) Lola understandably asked me not to tell her husband anything about her lover.

Now I’m pissed. I don’t want to talk with him at all now that I know he’s deliberately going against her wishes and trying to control and manipulate her.

I’m going to email him and tell him I don’t feel comfortable talking with him now that I know she’s asked him to stop contacting her friends. I still worry he’s going to call me on my office phone, though. I guess I’ll have to cross that bridge when I come to it.

I am heartbroken for her husband. I really am. I can only imagine how much he’s struggling right now. However, I don’t think it’s appropriate for him to seek out her friends and talk with them about her.

Hayden came over last night. We had Italian food delivered for dinner, had sex, and watched Last Week Tonight and Six Feet Under. He told me he’d come over again tonight. I asked incredulously, “You’re coming over 3 nights in a row?!”

Technically, no. He explained that he would come over tonight after work, stay overnight, and then spend all of Saturday together. Whether or not he’s staying overnight on Saturday night is still unclear but even if he goes home after dinner with me, Sarah, and her husband, I’ll be happy.

Sarah’s birthday was on Wednesday so I’m pretty sure Sarah’s decision to have dinner at this fancy French restaurant is so that we can celebrate her birthday. I’ve looked up the menu. It’s expensive and, therefore, not a restaurant I’d choose.

I don’t know the etiquette here. Before making reservations, Sarah didn’t tell me which restaurant she’d chosen. She just said, “I’m making dinner reservations. Are you coming solo or bringing a date?”

After she’d made reservations, I asked her which restaurant. When she told me, I felt panic. French restaurants are notoriously expensive and this one is no exception. I know it’s her favorite restaurant and it is her birthday so…..? It’s especially awkward because I’d typically like to buy her dinner or drinks but, given we’ll be going to this particular restaurant, will barely be able to afford my own share of the bill. It’s going to take some creative budgeting to make it work.

She knows I’m struggling financially since separating from Mars. We’ve been meaning to take our annual wine country trip for the past 2 years but I just haven’t been able to swing it. The last time we talked about it, she offered to pay my share. It’s really sweet of her but I don’t feel comfortable with that. I don’t want to feel like a charity case. But I also know she’s offering because she just wants to spend time together.

Financial struggles suck. I feel bad about myself because I can no longer afford things I once used to. And I feel like it does affect my relationships because I have to opt out of events often.

I spoke with Hayden last night about my concerns regarding the restaurant. He said, “I can spend $40 for dinner. Do you think that will cover it?”

Haha. Um, no.

I said, “It’s going to be a lot more expensive than that. I looked at the menu. Entrees are around $35 each. But I’m hoping we can share an entree and maybe a dessert? They specialize in chocolate souffles….”

I’m feeling a lot of anxiety about this dinner. It’s one thing if it was just me going because I can make it work financially. But now I feel bad because these are my friends and they chose the $$$$ restaurant.

Hayden joked, “Maybe they’ll pay for it.” I told him the reality is that they’d likely offer to pick up the entire tab… maybe even insist… but it still makes me feel bad. I don’t want them to pay for it.

 

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