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On Friday, before leaving work for the weekend, I quickly composed and sent an email response to Lola’s husband. In hindsight, I said too much and feel like I overstepped boundaries. I shouldn’t have spoken for Lola – her thoughts and feelings are hearsay.

I should have written it and let it sit at least overnight. I sent it hastily because I wanted to get back to him before the weekend.

This is the email:

Hi Trey,

After thinking about it, I don’t think it’s a good idea for us to chat, after all. I’m really sorry.

I know you and Lola are separated. I know why you separated. I also know that Lola has asked you to stop contacting her friends. Regardless, I don’t think it’s appropriate for me to talk with you about your marriage.

I know that Lola adores you and never meant to hurt you. You didn’t deserve this.

My advice is to give Lola the space that she has asked for. Work it out with her when she’s ready.

I wish you the best, I sincerely do.

I’m not going to be in the office tomorrow. While enabling my Out of Office agent tonight for tomorrow, I noticed that he’d replied to my email.

Trey said he wasn’t planning to tell me about their separation at all and that he wanted to ask “for a friend” about how a spouse can stop loving their spouse. He knew from Lola I had first-hand experience with that… and he thought it was impossible.

I haven’t responded yet.

My best friend’s visit yesterday was a blast. Hayden and I met Sarah and her husband at Yerba Buena Gardens and immediately started the artwalk. We only visited about half the museums participating in the artwalk: the San Francisco Historical Society, African Diaspora Museum, Contemporary Jewish Museum, SPUR, and Yerba Buena Center. Unbelievably, this was a free event! Normally, admission to all the museums would have easily cost around $80 per person.

We all had a hard time deciding which was our favorite… but eventually agreed that it was probably a tie between SF Historical Society and African Diaspora Museum.

Hayden seemed comfortable and was his usual quirky, charming, affectionate self. We walked hand-in-hand or with our arms around each other the entire day.

We walked from the artwalk in SoMa to the French restaurant in North Beach. Dinner was absolutely decadent. We feasted on two different savory souffles: leek and prosciutto & mushroom, French onion soup, and French rose wine. For dessert we all shared a chocolate souffle, which was ridiculously decadent and delicious.

When the bill came, Sarah and her husband insisted on paying, saying that they invited us and we were celebrating her birthday. We conceded, then told them we were taking them out for cocktails in Chinatown.

But, damn, that dinner bill must have been around $300.  !!! The two savory souffles alone were $100.

On the walk back to SoMa through Chinatown in the heatwave, we stopped in at an old Chinese bar that is famous for their Chinese mai tais. We had 2 mai tais each and talked and talked.

We wrapped things up at 11 pm. By then we were all a little sweaty from sitting in the stuffy back corner of the bar. Sarah and her husband had an hour drive to get back to Sarah’s in-laws house where they were staying with their kids. We walked with them most of the way to their car, then said our goodbyes and caught an Uber on Market Street.

Hayden and I didn’t get back to my place until after midnight. He packed up his stuff and left to go home. I don’t know why he wanted to go home so late at night, but I didn’t really expect him to stay overnight a second night in a row, anyway. And I had to be up early the next morning to head out-of-town to see my dad.

Hayden said he had a lot of fun. I’d like to do more fun things around town with him and hope to plan something else soon. My sister recently sent me an article listing all sorts of fun free or low-cost summer date ideas here in San Francisco that I hope to check out.

It was truly a fabulous weekend.

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