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Hayden and I spent a lovely evening together last night. We had Italian food delivered and picked up a bottle of wine from the neighborhood market.

Soon after he arrived, I mentioned having to pack tomorrow night. He seemed to panic a bit when I mentioned I was leaving early Saturday morning.

Him: Oh, you’re leaving this Saturday?! I can’t remember – how long will you be gone again?

Me: One week.

Him: Oh my god. That’s a long time!

He seemed distraught.

He asked all sorts of questions about who I’m going with and what I’ll do once there, which I happily answered.

I told him that Mars was going. Fortunately, he seemed unfazed. I explained that Mars and I travel for practical reasons such as 1) We split the costs 50/50, 2) We don’t have to work out swapping time and other custody headaches, and 3) Traveling together was something that had always worked well between me and Mars.

I reminded Hayden that I’d love to travel him. I even mentioned that research has proven people are happier and more productive when they return from vacation, hoping to entice him with that tidbit of info.

He seemed interested so I continued. I asked him if there was anywhere in particular he’d like to go. Long story short: No, there isn’t. I mused aloud that I didn’t think he was the traveling type (traveling types like me always have a list) but he disagreed, saying that he’d like to go somewhere, he just doesn’t know where. He said he’d think about destinations.

The ball is completely in his court.

Although he didn’t plan on it, he ultimately decided to stay overnight last night. It was so sweet sleeping curled next to him.

I’ll be seeing Hayden again tomorrow night. We’re going to try the free museum night at the De Young once again, this time without the kids. Yay!

Things are going surprisingly well and I’m really happy. I still have my concerns, of course, but I know that I will have my answers in time. In the meantime, I feel myself falling again. I’m not going to stop it, either. I wear my heart on my sleeve.

I’ve always maintained that it’s better to love and lose rather than never love. I could lose… and I know that’s okay. I don’t know what the future will bring. I’m at peace.

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