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Alright, so I admit that I copied several of these from Girl Rebuilt. She and I have very similar values so it gave me a good starting point. Some of these are no-brainers (i.e. tolerating abuse, cheating, lying, etc.) but they need to be stated anyway.

Note that I am saying “I won’t stay in a committed relationship with…” rather than “I won’t enter a committed relationship with…” because you don’t usually recognize these qualities until you’ve been in a relationship for a while. They typically don’t come out while you’re in the dating “honeymoon” phase.

Violations of my personal values are listed below.

 

An oath to myself:

  • I will not remain in a committed relationship with someone who regularly drinks in excess and/or regularly takes recreational drugs.
  • I will not remain in a committed relationship with someone who does not value and proactively protect his health.
  • I will not remain in a committed relationship with someone who lies or cheats.
  • I will not remain in a committed relationship with someone who is obsessively jealous.
  • I will not remain in a committed relationship with someone who is unreliable.
  • I will not remain in a committed relationship with someone who does not treat everyone with kindness. This includes animals.
  • I will not remain with in a committed relationship with someone who does not value healthy familial relationships.
  • I will not remain in a committed relationship with someone who is abusive.
  • I will not remain in a committed relationship with someone who does not make time for me.
  • I will not remain in a committed relationship with someone who does not enjoy physical affection and sex.
  • I will not remain in a committed relationship with someone who is not mutually committed to me.
  • I will not remain in a committed relationship with someone who is financially irresponsible.
  • I will not remain in a committed relationship with someone who is frequently negative.

 

I find it interesting to realize that Tex violated several of my personal values. No wonder I didn’t like him as a person and why he’s one of the only exes I haven’t wanted to stay in touch with. He was no good for me. I knew we weren’t compatible but I couldn’t manage to articulate why. The excessive violation of my values was the reason I felt so “off-kilter” in that relationship.

This was a great exercise. Articulating and actually writing down my values was helpful and enlightening.

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