Before I detail last night’s date with Dr Russia, I wanted to share what happened with two prospects on Wednesday night.
As you may remember, D canceled our 3rd date on Wednesday night so I had an unexpected evening to myself. That afternoon, I sent a message through OkCupid to the newbie dude who lives in my neighborhood asking him if he was available to meet that night.
He responded with, “I could probably do something after 8pm?”
I was underwhelmed. Probably?? Where was the enthusiasm? Where was the hell yes? This seemed like a perfect non-committal response. He seemed lukewarm. I wasn’t feeling it.
Instead, I took myself out for sushi then cozied up on the couch to watch a few episodes of Grace & Frankie with a glass of bordeaux while listening to the pelting rain outside. I was glad to be warm and dry inside.
Around 11:30, newbie sent a snarky message saying, “Or past 11:35pm lol”
I responded with, “You didn’t seem sure about your availability. Plus, it’s pouring so I decided to have a cozy evening indoors.”
His response: “Ugh, fine! Lol, yeah no worries I get it.”
But he doesn’t get it. If someone you’ve been trying to line up a date with for several months has an unexpected evening, commit one way or another! Use stronger language! Geezus.
I certainly won’t be trying to set anything up with him again.
While I was on the awesome sushi date with myself, I had a few text exchanges with the charming newbie I mentioned here. I may be overreacting, but I’m not so charmed anymore.
He asked me, “So do I have any competition?”
Wait… what?! I was bewildered. I hadn’t even had a 1st date with this dude yet!
I said, “Yes, I’m dating.”
He replied, “Interesting. I’m not surprised but good to know.”
I went on to say that Tinder is a dating app. Isn’t everyone on there dating?! He said he wasn’t. He said he’s not much of a dater.
I said, “I have to ask… Why are you on Tinder?”
He said he’s on Tinder to find someone worthwhile to date, he just hasn’t gotten there yet. He’s picky.
I argued that he has to date to know if he wants a relationship. It doesn’t happen by magic. You have to assess compatibility and spend actual time together. It takes a while.
He said, “I’m aware of that. I’m talking to you, aren’t I?”
Oh, for fuck’s sake. We were going nowhere fast.
He apparently wants to talk to someone a lot first to see if they’re “worth” meeting. I like to meet soon after talking so there’s no disappointment.
He said, “Hmm, I never realized that more communication would lead to disappointment. It hasn’t for me.”
This was where I realized we had dramatically different expectations so I stopped responding to his excessive texts trying to explain himself. I had already noticed some yellow flags and wasn’t that excited about him anymore, anyway, so no big loss.
And I didn’t want the pressure of him putting all his eggs in my basket, so to speak. I’m obviously not the right woman for him.
So, with that out of the way, onward to my date last night with Dr Russia!
We decided to meet at Oakland’s Make Westing at 5 pm. I left work at 4:45 and headed straight to the bar. I was wearing my new Loft split-sleeve top, dark-wash Rag & Bone skinny ankle jeans, and black strappy heels.
I arrived right at 5 – the place was packed! I fortunately found a 2-top table in the back. He immediately sent me a text saying he was running late but was on BART. Fuck, not again!
Was tardiness a pattern with him? Ugh.
He arrived at 5:15. He didn’t indicate that he wanted to give each other a hug or a kiss so I stayed sitting as he put his coat and umbrella down and settled in. I didn’t beat around the bush and asked him if he’s typically late. Haha. Fortunately, he said he’s not.
He got the first round. We both opted for beer.
I got the second round; I had a Pimm’s cocktail, he had a mescal cocktail. Around 7, I suggested we get some dinner nearby. We walked to nearby taqueria, Xolo.
Conversation was easy the entire time. We talked about our weekend plans, our Thanksgiving plans, the term papers his students turned in that he’ll have to grade within the next couple weeks, and my job. We also talked politics. He said, “I don’t think we’ve talked about politics yet. Do you want to or is that taboo?”
I told him I suspected he was liberal, as am I, so there was really nothing to talk about. Haha. We even talked a little about religion.
I was relieved to find we’re on the same page with the “controversial” topics like religion and politics.
I told him I had to rescue my car before the parking garage closed at 10 but, since it was not even 8, I suggested we head to my favorite uptown Oakland bar, Cafe Van Kleef, and enjoy one of their awesome, famous greyhounds. He agreed.
Their greyhounds are to die for. They fresh-squeeze the ruby red grapefruits right there at the bar, then they garnish the greyhound with a big grapefruit wedge.
He ordered the greyhounds and we sat at a booth near the back of the bar, so close that we were touching. He put his arm around me.
After we had finished our drinks and were contemplating the walk to the parking garage, one of the bartenders came over to our table and told us that the next round of drinks were on the house. What?! This had never happened to either of us before!
Of course we ordered another round. Dr Russia opted for a double greyhound this time; I had a single.
I blurted out, “Do you want to come back to my place?” He said yes without hesitating. He corrected himself to say that of course I was welcome to stay at his place in nearby Berkeley, but he thought I’d be more comfortable at my place. I thought that was sweet.
We rescued my car with 20 minutes to spare, then I drove us to San Francisco in the rain.
Once in my bed, we groped, petted, and made out but couldn’t have intercourse. He couldn’t get a strong erection. WTF?! He orally pleasured me, then we fell asleep.
I didn’t sleep well last night, tossing and turning and getting up a few times to get water and use the bathroom. He did the same… and he was pouring so much sweat that the sheets were damp.
This morning he had a rock hard erection so we were able to successfully achieve intercourse. It was damn good. I climaxed, but he didn’t. He explained that he sometimes has difficulty orgasming and he doesn’t know why. Hmm.
We got ready for work then took transit together all the way to Oakland. We got off at the same train station. I walked from there to work; he transferred trains. We hugged and kissed goodbye and he said he’d be in touch about getting together again next week.
I like Dr Russia. He doesn’t give me butterflies, but we have fun together and he’s a genuinely good guy. There’s nothing to dislike. Time will tell what ultimately happens with him. I’m happy to keep it on its current trajectory and see where it goes.
Tonight: Bad Moms Wine Country Weekend! At least that’s what Sarah’s husband is calling it… and, you know, he knows us. Haha.