Oh boy. I’m spinning out of control again re: Hayden. WTF is wrong with me?!
My dissatisfaction was triggered by extensive conversation with Mars yesterday. I heard all about his new love interest… including some private things I would rather not know and can’t unknow. Sexual stuff. Ugh.
Yesterday I took the kids to my hometown for my nephew’s 1st birthday party. It was Mars’ weekend with the kids so, naturally, he joined us. So we had a good 4 hours of time on the drive there and back talking about relationships.
Mars is obsessed with his new girl. Obsessed! He says she’s way out of his league. He spent two full days with this woman in England and now he’s completely enamored, talking about introducing her to the kids, marriage, and possible relocation. Whoa.
And she apparently feels the same way. I am really happy for him but keep warning him that he still doesn’t know her very well yet. There may be some deal breakers… and it’s impossible to know what those deal breakers might be until he gets to know her better.
He believes that any issues that crop up later will be “protected” and minor because of their super strong initial bond. That their chemistry will hold the relationship together. I told him I don’t think it works that way. Sometimes feelings can change on a dime.
I’m honestly surprised. He’s normally extremely cautious so this is a big change. He’s in the crazy-in-love-honeymoon-phase of the relationship and that is always exciting. It’s a drug – there’s nothing better!
He apparently even told my dad and my sister about this girl yesterday while we were there visiting.
(Mars told me that he was going to break the news to his FWB last night that he wouldn’t be able to see her anymore. He was dreading the conversation. I got an update from him last night after he broke the news to her – she was not happy. That’s a whole other post, though!)
I was feeling very satisfied with my relationship with Hayden until yesterday. I know you can’t compare a 1-year-old relationship with a brand new relationship… but it made me wonder if Hayden and I had the sparks that Mars is referring to.
I was obviously a little more cautious at the beginning of my relationship with Hayden… plus I also had the added bonus of having a simultaneous “relationship” with Joaquin that was moving at the same pace as my “relationship” with Hayden. So it’s difficult to assess how it would have been as a stand-alone scenario.
If I hadn’t met Joaquin a day before Hayden, would things have been different from the very beginning with Hayden?
I’ve been feeling blue ever since last night. Last night after putting the kids to bed, I had a satisfying cry.
These are the things that are bothering me:
- Have I been a fool to stay in San Francisco?! Mars is loosely considering relocation to England. He’s trying to work out the logistics. I’ve stayed in San Francisco so that Mars and I can split custody 50/50 even though it’s a huge financial burden for me. I can buy a home somewhere else and live much more comfortably but I’ve stayed because I obviously want the kids to have a strong relationship with their dad. Should I be more selfish? What’s more important: the kids being able to spend equal time with their dad… or giving them vacations and extracurriculars that I haven’t been able to afford? I’d like a vacation, too! If he is willing to give up time with the kids, should I move forward with moving out of San Francisco?
- Hayden’s flakiness. I hate being told one thing without follow-through. The stupid thing is that these things would have never bothered me had he not brought them up! For example: I’m annoyed he brought up giving me an anniversary gift and card… yet it hasn’t happened yet. I wasn’t even expecting anniversary card or gift! I would have been perfectly happy without either. Also: On Saturday night he told me he’d come over last night after I returned from visiting family out-of-town. Even when I told him it might get late. He said, “I don’t care how late it is. I’ll even come over at 9. I’ll stay the night, too.” He texted around 5:30 pm yesterday, asking how my day was going and told me that he reconsidered coming over, that he was worried it would be too late. Even though I told him I was arriving home by 8! WTF. I’m annoyed he made such a big deal about coming over last night and then decided against it.
- My birthday is coming up and I am pretty sure Hayden won’t remember. And unfortunately, I’ll be out of town on business anyway. I’m not the type to make a big fuss over my birthday but is it weird if I don’t bring it up at all? How do you slyly mention that your birthday is coming up? I don’t want him to make a big deal out of it and then forget and/or not follow through with what he says he’ll do. But I will be sad if the day comes and goes without his acknowledgement. What to do?
Hayden is supposedly coming over tonight. At least that’s what he told me last night. We’ll see.
I hate feeling so negative about Hayden. He’s really done nothing wrong. I’m just stupidly overthinking as usual. It’s possible that all will be right again after I see him tonight.
But sometimes I wonder if my negative feelings are really my intuition trying to tell me something. Maybe we really are at different places in our lives and want different things. Maybe he can’t give me what I need.