Seeking Arrangement is a “sugar daddy” website… a virtual catalog of sugar daddies and sugar babies. It’s basically a traditional online dating site with a financial benefit twist.
The idea both fascinated and repulsed me.
I hadn’t thought too much about joining Seeking Arrangement until I read Suddenly Single in the Silicon Valley’s post about it yesterday. The only previous blog entry I had read about it was Hyacinth’s… and it had completely turned me off.
Suddenly Single in the Silicon Valley, also located in the San Francisco bay area, had a pleasant Seeking Arrangement experience and observed that there appeared to be some hot single sugar daddies on the site.
My interest was piqued.
Obviously, [if they were being honest] I already knew the sugar daddies on Seeking Arrangement were intelligent and successful… two qualities I look for in a dude. If they’re also looking for romance and a possible LTR? Well, fuck yeah! Sign me up!
It couldn’t hurt to look around the site and conduct a little experiment.
My daughter currently has the flu so I was at home with her yesterday and had some free time on my hands. I headed over to Seeking Arrangement, briefly read the “about” and “how it works” section, and did a quick browse for sugar daddies in San Francisco.
Oh yeah, there were definitely some attractive dudes in the 20-50 age range.
What was my goal? The beauty of this site is that it could be anything I wanted it to be. Could I really date dudes for cash? No, probably not. I may warm up the idea but for now it’s a definite no.
I wanted to start slowly.
My number one problem while enjoying an active dating schedule is the expense. I’m a 21st century modern woman. I always expect to pay for my share of a date. San Francisco is expensive for everyone and I am not dating for freebies; I am dating to find the next great love of my life.
I have a very strict budget for entertainment, and it includes entertainment for the kids as well. It’s a meager budget and it doesn’t go very far. I go on about 15 dates per month… obviously this a pretty glaring financial issue.
Dating on a strict budget is a bit stressful. And, honestly, I bristle when a dude drinks or eats more than I do yet we split the bill in half (but that’s a rant for another time). There’s honestly no way around it as far as I know… but you can see where I’m going with this.
Wouldn’t it be nice if it was understood that my date would automatically pick up the tab on our dates? If he’s wealthy, why not?
I hit the button to create my own profile. Oh yeah, I was going down the rabbit hole.
The entire process was fascinating. On top of the basic stuff like choosing a username and inputting basic information like your age, body type, and education level, they asked what I was looking for and what kind of monthly compensation I was hoping to receive.
Um… hmm. I wasn’t sure what to put for the financial compensation question. At first, I checked the box that said “practical” monthly allowance ($2-3k). I eventually changed it to “negotiable” since I was on the site looking for a love connection, not an allowance.
I found it hilarious that the site can link to Amazon wish lists. I ignored that section. I didn’t want to link mine.
I was also very clear about why I was on the site and what I was hoping to find. I clicked the boxes stating I was looking for: active lifestyle, attentive, emotional connection, good listener, romance, long term, travel with you, and monogamous.
I suspect my profile won’t get a lot of interest because A) I’m not there for a typical no-strings-attached “arrangement”, B) I don’t have a flexible schedule, and C) I’m a professional 40-something mom with 2 kids and responsibilities. I can’t leave town to travel the world on a whim with my sugar daddy because I have a job and kid custody arrangements.
It seems most guys on the site are looking for no-strings-attached or friends with benefits. A very small percentage say that they would be open to a long-term relationship if everything goes well. Those are the dudes I’m interested in meeting.
I submitted my profile, which immediately went for review. New profiles aren’t active on the site or viewable on the site until they’re approved by Seeking Arrangement.
5 hours later, my profile was approved, live on the site, and viewable. I could see I was getting visits to my profile.
I went “shopping” and favorited some dudes in their 30s and 40s but made myself a Seeking Arrangement rule: I wasn’t going to send the first message. If my profile appealed to anyone, he would send the first message. In the meantime, I’d visit profiles and favorite the ones I liked.
I should note that the sugar daddies post their incomes, what they’re willing to spend on their “babies”, and what they desire in an arrangement. Some of these were laughable… like the dudes that make as much as I do. Really?! Oh, it must be nice to feel like you’re living large on a salary like mine, without dependents!
Even more baffling were the guys who made less than me. They have no business being on a sugar daddy website.
Honestly, a divorcee who makes less than $300k has no business offering a monthly allowance to a sugar baby. There would be nothing left after spousal support and child support!
I still haven’t determined whether the self-proclaimed single guys on the site are looking for something serious or not. I currently suspect that the single dudes are too busy in their careers to seek out a traditional relationship.
I did recognize a 35 year old OkCupid dude on Seeking Arrangement. I had actually liked him on OkCupid at some point in the past, but yesterday I saw him on Seeking Arrangement and favorited him there.
18 hours later and I’ve received exactly 3 messages. One of them sent a very sweet message saying he loved my honesty and transparency. Unfortunately, I’m not interested in any of them.
I’m going to let my profile simmer. I’ll respond only to the guys I’m interested in meeting.
Strangely enough, last night I received a message from a very attractive 35 year old winery owner on Tinder saying, “I’m a sugar daddy if you’re interested in exploring that.” What bizarre, unusual timing! I asked him for more details.
He said, “I’m looking for NSA fun.” I told him I was looking for something more substantial with the possibility of an LTR. He unmatched me almost immediately.
So there you go. My desire for something more than NSA and FWB on Seeking Arrangement might be futile. Time will tell. I have nothing to lose.
Tonight is the first of 5 kid-free nights in a row. I have a Tinder date with a cute 48 year old tonight. He lives in an active fire zone (in Healdsburg, which I thought had been evacuated!) and will be driving an hour south to San Francisco for our date. I am touched. We’re meeting at a microbrewery. Details coming tomorrow!
As of yesterday I’m now on 3 dating sites: Tinder, OkCupid, and Seeking Arrangement. Tinder has been yielding the most dates lately.
I finally broke the news to Foodie yesterday that I just wasn’t feeling a spark. He said, “Please excuse me but I’m surprised to hear that. I was into you, although you probably figured that. LOL. Thanks for being straightforward.” Aww. That sucked… but all’s well that ends well.