Thanks so much to all of you for the outpouring of support. It means so much to me.
I know I did the right thing – I had no other choice. But it still feels horrific.
I feel like a total jerk for breaking up with him over text. I only mentioned the ghosting in my text even though there were a couple other things on my mind (mainly the Facebook tagging and his not reaching out first on Sunday morning to cancel our outing). However, those were things we could have talked about in person had he not ghosted. I really feel like the ghosting was a crossed line because he knew it made me nuts when it had happened before.
I still haven’t cried. I don’t know what that’s about…maybe I’m made of steel. I feel simultaneously strong yet sad.
Life goes on.
I’m worried about Hayden but I refuse to reach out to him. I don’t want to get caught up in the drama of his addiction and there’s nothing I can do, anyway. He needs a specialist.
I’m also sad for him because I imagine this has happened many times before in his past. This is probably why he doesn’t have any friends or close family. Maybe they’ve all become exasperated, too. My heart breaks for him.
I want him to have the life he deserves but it’s not going to happen on his current trajectory.
I forgot to mention that Mars joined the kids and I for dinner on Tuesday night. Mars was talking a lot about his new girl and how elated he is. He is. He is head over heels and a little irrational, frankly. They spend hours on the phone together every day. I bristled when I found out that he speaks to her during his work hours. He giddily showed me his phone log displaying the length of that day’s conversation. 5 hours. Are you fucking kidding me?!
I asked why they couldn’t sometimes talk during her work hours. He replied, “Oh, she can’t talk when she’s working.” But he can? And for most of the day? WTF.
I told him he’d better reign that in because I’m sure his employer wouldn’t appreciate that. He backpedaled to say, “Oh, I still work. I can work while I talk with her.”
And then he asked how things were going with Hayden. I had to pretend everything was fine even though I hadn’t heard from him for 2 days.
Mars said, “Yeah, it looks like everything’s going well. He seems to really like you.”
I had to bite my tongue hard.
I responded with, “Yeah, we like each other” and dropped it.
It occurred to me today that I had asked Hayden about his first sexual experience last weekend. He lost his virginity at age 21 (only 10 years ago!) to his college girlfriend, who was also a virgin. They’d been dating for 4 months and one day just decided to do it. He said it was really good. Afterward, his girlfriend went home. We laughed a little about that.
He didn’t ask me to recount my first sexual experience, which I found a little odd. In hindsight, it shouldn’t have surprised me. He never asked me anything about my past.
There’s apparently a ripple in the force because I’ve been contacted by 3 guys from my past this week: Colombian Hottie, Adonis, and a dude I talked with over a year on Tinder and never met.
Colombian Hottie reached out to say hi. I told him I had a boyfriend (when I thought I still did!) and we made plans to meet up. I had suggested last night. He said he had dinner plans with a friend but would be available later. Translation: booty call. NO. I responded with, “Well, let’s choose another night.” He said, “No, I’ll be free by 8:30!” so I suggested we meet at 9.
No response… until 6 pm last night as I’m sitting in a Mexican restaurant eating dinner with my 3 closest friends: Me, Myself, and I.
He texted, “Are we still on for 9?”
Are you fucking kidding me?! I told him I wasn’t even though I didn’t have any plans. I wanted to make a point.
He pouted for a bit, apologized for not being clear, then said to let him know if I finish early. Hahaha. Nope. I suggested meeting up tonight and he simply said, “I can’t.” He can’t? Is this high school?! I didn’t respond.
Adonis texted today. I hadn’t heard from him since May! He offered getting together tomorrow night for a drink. I told him that might work. To be continued.
And that Tinder dude. *shaking my head* He sent me a stupid text asking, “What did you get yourself into last weekend?”
Me: Who is this??
Him: Oh, sorry it’s David. We talked on Tinder a while back but never met.
THEN WHY ARE YOU TEXTING ME?
I didn’t respond. WTF is this nonsense?
The games are beginning already.