The past 72 hours have been an exhausting whirlwind of craziness.
Hayden did end up joining Mars, the kids, and I for my pre-birthday dinner. He met us at the restaurant rather than meeting at my house then driving together… but whatever.
Mars and Hayden split the check; they wouldn’t let me pitch in.
After dinner, we all decided to stop at an ice cream parlor for birthday ice cream. Mars hadn’t baked a cake yet (it’s tradition that we always bake cakes for each other) and I like ice cream even better so why not?
Hayden and I split an ice cream sundae. The kids and Mars opted for ice cream cones.
Back at home, Hayden and I immediately retreated to my bedroom. The sex was incredible, as always… but something new happened. During an intense orgasm, I nearly lost control of my bowels. Holy shit.
Fortunately, I did not.
…And on the eve of my birthday. 46 really wanted to go out with a bang!
Hayden and I had sex twice. I came 3x, he came 2x. (I love that he’s multi-orgasmic.) He left to go home afterward.
The next morning, I slept in a little since I didn’t have to leave San Francisco for the conference until 10 am. I worked out, masturbated, and listened to music while packing an overnight bag. While driving to Headquarters for the conference, I thoroughly enjoyed an 80s playlist Spotify had made for me. The songs by Book of Love, Love & Rockets, Psychadelic Furs, New Order, etc. really took me back to my teenage years for better or for worse. (Almost always for better.)
The first day of the conference was informative. I was enjoying myself. During a break, one of my coworkers who works in HQ stopped me and asked how my baby was doing. What?! He looked confused and said, “Well, I thought you were pregnant last time I saw you…..? Oh. Maybe it was someone else.”
For the record, I have only met/seen this particular coworker a handful of times in the 19 years I’ve worked for the company. I did see him 2-3 months ago when he came to my office for a meeting but, before that, it had probably been at least 15 years.
This particular dude is went to the same university I did (although I didn’t know him) and we’re about the same age. He’s disliked by almost everyone within the company because he’s arrogant
He apologized profusely, saying it must have been someone else he was thinking of. It’s possible… but I was still racking my brain trying to remember what I was wearing earlier this summer that might have made me appear pregnant. If I can remember, I will be burning that outfit! It’s entirely possible I’ve already ditched it during my recent Marie Kondo wardrobe clean-out. God, I hope so.
But for fuck’s sake. I have always been approx an American size 6. Did I really look pregnant??? Or was he really thinking of someone else?
No matter. The good news is that I apparently no longer looked pregnant and it was my birthday so whatever. I was in too good a mood to really care.
When the conference ended, I headed straight to my sister’s house. My mom was there, my dad arrived soon after. My brother and sister-in-law were stuck in traffic and were going to meet us at the restaurant.
As soon as we sat down in the restaurant, we ordered a pitcher of Cadillac margaritas. I drank 2 very quickly. The weather was much hotter than I had planned for and I was thirsty.
Can you see where this is going?
I ordered a third… this time a specialty margarita made with Midori. I’m a sucker for a good margarita.
While were were finishing up, my sister sent me a text from across the table asking if I wanted to go out for drinks afterward. Hell yes! It was my birthday – why not?
Had I been in my right mind, I would have known it wasn’t a good idea. I had already drunk an unprecedented quantity of margaritas and I had to be at the conference the next morning at 8.
We said goodbye to everyone else and walked to a nearby bar. My sister bought me a glass of red wine. We went to another bar after that, where we enjoyed another glass of red wine.
Then we were both gifted a glass of red wine by the bartender, who was a friend of my sister’s.
I made sure to drink plenty of water but, hello, I had never before drunk 3 margaritas and 3 glasses of wine in one evening. I was feeling fine at the time – I must have been functioning on adrenaline.
My sister’s office was next door to the last bar so she took me there and showed me around. She opened another bottle of wine from her office’s wine collection. I doubt I drank more than a few sips, though. We guzzled sparkling water.
She took me up to the roof deck. There were a bunch of people up there supposedly filming something. At least that’s what they told us but neither of us could recall the details the next day.
We sat up there for a few minutes enjoying the city lights view and the cool breeze before catching an Uber back to her place.
That’s when everything gets fuzzy. I remember bits of the car ride. I remember lying on her couch with a barf bag handy. I remember her giving me activated charcoal and digestive enzymes to buffer a hangover. I remember her gently tucking my hair behind my ear when I was groaning and leaning over the couch with my face in the barf bag.
I passed out and didn’t wake up until 5:30. My sister was also sleeping on the sectional couch next to me. Her 12 month old son had woken up a couple times in the night but her husband had attended to him.
I was feeling rough, but it only got worse over the next several hours.
I successfully took a short shower but then collapsed onto the bathroom floor in a cold sweat. I couldn’t even get dressed. My brother-in-law had left for work by that point so I stumbled naked into her bedroom and got into bed next to my sister and nephew.
There was no fucking way I could manage getting dressed, let alone driving to my conference and sitting upright for 4 hours.
Yesterday was nothing short of miserable. I couldn’t even sit up until 11:30 am. The pain and waves of nausea were ridiculous. I felt like I was dying.
My sister was just as bad off, maybe even worse. She had to take an important client to lunch and there was no way she could cancel. She said the meeting went well, but she threw up on her front lawn several times once she arrived home.
I have a phobia of vomiting and willed myself not to… and succeeded. In hindsight, though, I wish I would have. I might have felt better.
I started feeling a little more human at 4 pm. My sister, nephew, and I went for ramen before I hit the road back to San Francisco.
I got home at 9 pm, took a hot bath with epsom salts, and then watched a couple episodes of a Netflix show called GLOW my sister had raved about.
Today I’m feeling quite a bit better. I’d say probably 95%. There were some light waves of nausea on public transit while heading to work this morning, though.
All in all, I had a great birthday. I just wish I hadn’t drank so much, been sick all day yesterday, and blown the 2nd half of my conference. Fortunately, I’ve since received the information I missed in the form of Powerpoints so I didn’t miss too much.
Tonight, Hayden and I are celebrating my birthday. There won’t be any alcohol involved, though!