Still no word from Midwest. What a clown. Guess I’ve got a new jacket [that I’m going to drop off for charitable donation]! It’s possible he’ll reach out now that he’s back from a weekend in San Diego… but I doubt it.
Foodie has been texting me regularly. This morning he sent a text saying he just realized we’d never set a date for date #2 and wants to know my availability. The time has come: I’ll have to break the news to him that I’m not feeling a spark. Ugh.
I had a lovely weekend in Capitola with extended family. I had a long chat with one of my cousins while there. She and her family live right in the middle of 3 major Sonoma county fires but, miraculously, have not been evacuated. They were in Capitola to escape the smoke and boredom.
They had unexpectedly run into one her son’s classmates and his dad while in Capitola. They live in Sonoma and had been evacuated. The dad and his teenage son hung out with us one night. The dad was super cute but I suspected he was married. Later, my cousin said, “Oh! Ben is single! He’s going through a divorce. I should set you up….”
Yes, she should. Haha.
My cousin asked about Mars and, strangely enough, hadn’t heard about Mars’ temporary lapse of sanity. (As I’ve said before, news travels fast in our family.)
What she said was really fascinating. She said, “It is scientifically documented that people lose their minds when they fall in love. Scientific mapping has shown that an ‘in love’ brain looks the same as a ‘psychotic’ brain.”
I was fascinated enough that I looked it up this morning and found several articles. Here’s one.
My cousin said that a coworker’s wife had a blatant affair with a married man. They both fell in love and then haphazardly tore apart their families without remorse. My cousin says her coworker doesn’t even recognize his own wife. Yep, that’s living life without a frontal cortex!
She asked if I was dating and I told her, yes, I was recently single. After telling her all about Hayden and how that relationship ended, she said, “You need to find a 50 year old with grown kids.”
I told her that dating 40-somethings and 50-somethings hasn’t been successful for me. Men don’t age well. The ones that do who are intelligent, fit, and attractive don’t go for the fellow 40-somethings; they go for the 30-somethings or probably even the 20-somethings. She made a comment about how the San Francisco dating climate must be pretty bleak. Haha.
I got to thinking more about it on my drive home. What age/life stage will yield the best result for me?
Never married, no kids in his 30s
1) Immature, not emotionally ready for a LTR, or 2) Actively looking for a wife & kids.
Divorced dad in his 30s
With young kids, it’s unlikely our custody scheduled would align.
Never married, no kids in his 40s
1) Afraid of commitment, or 2) Still holding out hope for a wife and kids.
Divorced, no kids in his 40s
This might be promising but is extremely rare. My ex-BF, Tex, fit into this category.
Divorced dad in his 40s
See also “single dad in his 30s”, above. This could be promising if he started a family early and has teenage kids or older. Again, very rare.
Divorced dad in his 50s
These dudes would have older kids out of the house so custody schedules wouldn’t be an issue, yay. However, 50-something men, in general, don’t take very good care of themselves and start looking and acting elderly soon after hitting age 50. See: Date #1 with South. The ones who take care of themselves are extremely rare but also have the pick of the litter and generally choose a woman much younger.
My conclusion? This was a depressing exercise.
It seems like my only viable options are to choose a rare mature 30-something, a divorced dad with older kids in his 40s, or a divorcee without kids in his 40s. This truly is like finding a needle in a haystack.
Tomorrow will conclude my 5-day kid-custody span and will begin my 5-day kid-free span. I have plans already scheduled for every single kid-free night: 3 first dates, date #4 with Surfer Dude, and a girls night out dancing with Jill and another single female coworker.
Given that I think I’m coming down with the flu, just thinking about the next 5 days exhausts me!
In other news, Suddenly Single in the Silicon Valley inspired me to join Seeking Arrangement. Details coming soon! My reason for doing it may surprise you.